Hey, Competitions, We Have Something to Say!

The other day, I read an article from Dance Studio Life magazine.  It's a few years old, but I still thought it was an insightful read.   It got me thinking though, about all of the things I'd like to tell THEM, the competition directors.  I am, after all, the customer.  Sure, the studio owner chooses the competitions, the kids perform, but I am the one paying for the service.  They should know what I think too, right?  Of course, I wanted to make sure I hadn't left anything out and I wanted to include everyone - so I asked the Twitter-verse what they thought: teachers, parents, dancers. 

We were all mostly on the same page.  But here's what we generally want to be able to let the competitions we attend know:

Pricing: Please stop sheltering the studios.  Many studios add an upcharge to their fees and as long as the parents were told ahead of time, that's ok. But, as mentioned above, we are the ones paying the fees and we feel like we have the right to know what they actually are.  

Schedules: When you sell out months in advance or your cut off for submissions is 30-60 days before the competition date, why on earth can you not give us a schedule sooner than 6-7 days prior?  This is especially inconvenient for those of us that travel to competitions, have to take time off of work for Friday (or earlier) starts, etc.  Especially frustrating is when you won't put a nationals schedule out until a week prior.  We understand that there's way more that goes into creating a schedule than we realize, but a skeleton would go a long way to keep us happy.

Rules: The only rule I see being routinely enforced is no photos/videos.  While I understand the safety of the dancers, protecting choreography angle, I really feel like that one is enforced because you lose money if people don't buy YOUR videos and pictures.  The rules I want to see enforced are those related to the appropriateness of the routine - no 7 year olds dressed like and dancing to a song about prostitutes.  Other rules are more specifically addressed in other points.

Awards: The overwhelming consensus (and you all talked about this a lot in the article)  is that they are out of hand.  A gold is the best award at one competition and the worst at the next.  Then another has a triple platinum.  Another has a titanium award.  And it's been a LONG time since I've seen a silver given out.  Can't we just agree on one awards system?

Levels:  If a dancer can execute a perfect triple into a tilt drop, they're not novice. You know it. They know it. Their teacher knows it.  Stop rewarding them with the diamond ruby sparkle award and a 1st place.  Move them into the appropriate competitive category, like your rules say you'll do.  The same applies to an intermediate dancer who is in 15 numbers.  If they can rehearse 15 numbers in 6 hours or less, I have a bridge to sell you.

Overbooking: Please stop starting regional competitions on a Wednesday or Thursday.  School should come first.  Book a 2nd weekend if you have to.  Or open a second room.  But if you do that, please make sure that the 2nd stage is as of the same quality and safety as the main one.  I'm not calling anyone out, but one I attended last year with two rooms was a nightmare.

Social Media: DO IT.  Answer questions.  Respond to complaints. Retweet nice things we say about you.  And post.  Don't just throw up a Facebook page and let it gather cobwebs.

Information: We've not returned to competitions more than once because of lack of information or misinformation. Make sure that whomever is speaking for your company knows what they are talking about.  And most importantly, return the studios' phone calls and emails.  Even the small studios.  Again, not naming names...  On the reverse, one of our favorite places to go is one where the director is open and communicative with our studio owners.

Judging: Don't ignore the smaller studios.  Please make the critiques useful.  We know the costume is pretty.  Work a lunch break into the schedule if you have to.  But it would be great to get critiques that don't feature the judge chewing into the microphone. And hold your judges accountable for giving everyone a critique.  One year, I sat and watched a judge enter a score after about 15 seconds for every single novice and intermediate number.  He only watched the advanced numbers.  All. Day. Long.  


Of course, we don't know if any of them will read this post.  So, the best thing you can do is offer your feedback on Dance Competition Hub.  Competition owners and vendors are taking notice and reading our feedback, so keep posting it!

57 Easy Steps for Preparing the first Competition of the Year - the week before.

1. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
2. Check Dance Competition Hub for complaints about how long it takes the competition to put out a schedule.
3. Compose packing list.
4. Clean out last year’s costumes from Dream Duffel.
5. Pretend like you don’t care about how much money you are packing into a rubbermaid container, never to be worn again.
6. Get on Amazon to order new hangars because there is not a single costume on a hangar in the bag.
7. Email teacher to find out if costume was supposed to have two gloves.
8. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.\
9. Run to drug store for eyelash glue.
10. Find full tube of eyelash glue that you just bought last fall  in side pocket of Dream Duffel.
11. Google how to clean 3 ounces of smashed 5 month old deodorant out of a canvas bag.
12. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
13. Taken inventory of make up.  If you have everything you need, you’ll be ordering a different brand this year.  If you are out, so is the store where you buy it.
14. Check the jewelry box.  Note that one earring is missing.  Email teacher to order a new pair.
15. Remember that you do not yet have a hotel. Spend approximately 4 hours on the computer researching prices, proximity of hotel to the venue, and availability of a continental breakfast that you’ll not even be able to eat because you have to leave the hotel so early each day because your dancer manages to have a 7 am call time both days.
16. Get on Twitter to complain about hotel prices.
17. Priceline and hold your breath.
18. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
19. Email teacher to see if she has a schedule yet.
20. Wonder why your emails to the teacher are suddenly bouncing back as undeliverable.
21. Drive to rehearsal.
22. Write a check larger than your car payment to cover entry fees.
23. Claim the “lost” glove from step 7.
24. Return home and realize that the costumes are still laying on your bed.
25. Throw costumes on top of your dresser. You’ll finish in the morning.
26. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
27. Get on Twitter to complain that there is no schedule.
28. Morning is here.  Get packing.
29. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
30. Carefully place each costume into its own garment bag. 
31. Label each garment bag with the name of the number and your child’s name.
32. Lay each costume neatly into the Dream Duffel.
33. Put make up, tights, earrings, and accessories each in their own little pocket.
34. Take a picture of your masterpiece because an hour into the first day, nothing will be in its place. 
35. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
36. Check your team’s Facebook page.  Read that the competition has not put out a schedule, but they would like for you to bring a 10X12 float for a spirit contest and would like you to follow their very strict guidelines for entry.
37. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
38. Unpack Dream Duffel so that you can recount the costumes to make sure you have everything.
39. Ask your dancer (even if she’s 17) to make sure every shoe has a right and a left.
40. Fill your car with gas.
41. Count costumes again.
42. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
43. Begin packing snacks for 14 hour days.
44. Realize that you have no snacks and go to the store.
45. Return home and pack the snacks.
46. Play a round of Tetris to remind you of how to pack your clothes, the Dream Duffel, the snacks, the shoes, the dancer’s bag of clothes that aren’t costumes into a trunk that is only half of the size of the items you are bringing.
47. Count the costumes again.
48. Pack the trunk
49. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule. It’s there!
50. Realize that your child’s first dance is at 7 a.m.  Her second one is at noon.  Her third is at 8 pm.  Awards are at midnight.
51. Buy more snacks.
52. Put the venue address into your GPS.  Realize that three blocks from your house, your GPS has updated to the latest version and it’s driving you in the wrong direction.
53. Arrive at venue only to realize that all of the roads around and leading up to the venue are closed because of a street fair. 
54. Obtain detour map from helpful volunteer.
55. Drive in circles for approximately 45 minutes.
56. Arrive at venue in a rush, thinking you are late, to find out that the competition is running two hours behind, despite having only started an hour ago.
57. Have fun and be prepared to do it all again in a few weeks!

*Yes, I know.  Not everyone does all of these steps and some of you do other steps.  It’s ok.

Dance Moms - It’s Not Real

And all I have to say about that is “Thank God!”

This post isn't necessarily for those of us who are already dance moms and dads.  It’s for everyone else.  Grandmas, uncles, cousins, friends...and most importantly, for those people who are on the fence about enrolling their child in dance classes.

Dance Moms doesn't represent anything that’s real about the dance world - any of it.  It certainly doesn't represent pre-pro dancing, which is what Abby tries to claim. (She frequently claims that many of her students are big professional stars. And maybe they are, but they didn't get there by participating in the hysterics that that show offers up.)

What irritates me the most is the way the competition world is portrayed. I've been a competition mom for a very long time and as my oldest and youngest are many years apart, I don’t see myself leaving this arena any time soon. I've seen a lot.  But I've never seen anything like they portray on that show.

I won’t say that everything is always sunshine and roses.  You’ll encounter people who aren't very nice.  You’ll experience people who cheat, who think their dancer is the next Anna Pavlova, who you worry might try to break the leg of any dancer who gets in their way. There will be people who are only in it for the “glory” - the trophies and whose lives hinge on where their child’s solo places that weekend.  People involved in dance at every level step on people to get what they want, they name drop, they trash other dancers or studios. (I promise I’m getting to the point.)  They can be downright nasty.  But... replace the word dance with the word football and tell me it’s any different? Maybe less glitter.  I think.

They way this “reality show” depicts life inside a competitive dance studio is ridiculous.  The thing is - those of us who live it KNOW that. (And if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll see me ranting and raving about just these things each time it’s on.)  The reason I’m angry is because of those of you who watch who aren’t dance parents. This is the picture you’re given of what dance teachers and parents are like.  It isn’t real.  If it were real, my kids wouldn't be doing it.

I know that everyone’s experiences and everyone’s studios are different.  There are great teachers and owners just like there are bad ones.  I can only speak to my experience and say that dance has done far more for my children than it has ever been negative. Dance teaches poise, responsibility, encourages physical fitness, and builds lifelong relationships - not just for your kids, but for parents too.

Still not convinced? Here are some things I've seen recently on Dance Moms that do not happen in the real world.

• Competing every weekend - again every studio is different, but I can’t say I know anyone that competes every single weekend.  Competitive dance is expensive. Unless you have a cable station footing the bill, you won’t be boarding chartered buses or airplanes to get to weekend competitions.
• Learning new numbers every week - most studios learn their competition dances and then spend weeks or months cleaning them, getting them ready for competition. And I do not believe for one second that those kids don’t know those dances before they “learn” them on the show.
• Physical fights in the dressing rooms.  Snotty comments made under your breath, yes. All out fights...never seen one.
• Teachers demeaning students (and parents) - I know it may happen. Like I said, there are some pretty rotten owners out there.  I can’t say I personally know a single parent who would put up with the made-for-tv abuse that the girls and their mothers endure on that show. If you find a good studio, it just doesn't happen.
• Pitting kids against each other - Competitive teams don’t just have one 13 year old and one 8 year old.  Your kid might have a solo or a group dance against her friend.  It’s a good opportunity to learn about sportsmanship and losing AND WINNING gracefully.
• Pulling a kid out of a number because you don’t like the mom.  It just doesn't happen. People that aren't on t.v. have businesses to run.  That’s not really an income generating activity.

It breaks my heart to know that so many of you are steering away from dance because of the made-for-tv drama in what is decidedly not a reality show at all. I hope you’ll let your child experience the joy of dance and performing.  The feeling you’ll get when watching them will not be equaled. I promise you that.

Virtual Dance Competition Entry Giveaway!

Imagine a dance competition with no hotel fees, no gas, no driving.  You don't have to get up at 5 am and stay until midnight.  You don't have to deal with cranky people.  You don't have to pay $12 for a program.  All you have to do is DANCE!!!!

That's what Virtual Dance Competition offers you--a chance to show off your skills...and just DANCE!

I don't know about you, but my last competition bill was nearly as much as my house payment.  Can I tell you how much it costs to enter a number at Virtual Dance Competition?  Can I?  $29.  EVEN FOR SOLOS!!!

But guess what?  We're going to give away FOUR entries absolutely free!  We want you to try this competition out...and tell your friends how much fun it was!

I'm sure you have lots of questions.  I did.  I found most of the answers here in the FAQ and in the Guidelines.

The contest will end Monday, April 7 at midnight.  You need to submit your videos by April 30th (as that's when your winning code will expire.)

So what do you need to do to enter?  Tweet about the contest.  Every day that you do, you get another entry.  You can also like Virtual Dance Competition  and Dance Parent Problems on Twitter and Facebook (if you already do, say so and you're entered!)  It's that simple.

Winners will be notified on Monday, April 7.  Please respond by Friday, April 11 to receive your code.





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How to Train to be Dance Mom

Becoming a dance mom is no simple feat. Most people don't understand all of the preparation and training that goes into it. I've outlined a few simple pointers for you, should you be considering a career as dance mom.

Set Your Boundaries

Sit down and carefully plan out how much money you’re willing to spend, how far you’re willing to travel, and what your guidelines are for two piece costumes.  Then tear up that piece of paper and burn it because it’s worthless anyway.

Learn the Dance Mom  Way

Study dance moms who have come before you. (For those of you who are new here, those people on t.v. are not acceptable subject for study.) Talk to veteran dance moms.  Observe their rhinestoning skills, ,quick movements during costume changes, and check writing abilities.  Mimic these in your day-to-day life until you have them mastered.

Remember that Silence is Golden

The moment you tell someone you’re a dance mom, you’re going to be met with a barrage of stupid questions.  “Why do you spend so much money?” “What’s she going to do with that?” and my personal favorite… “Are you like the moms on that show?” Avoiding these questions may help keep your criminal record squeaky clean.

Acquire Weaponry

rhinestones

E6000

wine

ear plugs

coffee

Aspercream

Physical Training

Stage 1: Run up and down a flight of stairs while dressing and undressing a doll.

Stage 2:  Hide several of your child’s dance accessories. Then, deprive yourself of sleep for 36 hours. Chug a Redbull.  Now have a scavenger hunt.

Sate 3: Give a cat some catnip. Turn off the lights.  Now, try to put a dress and eyelashes on the cat.

Following these simple guidelines will have you acting as a champion dance mom in no time!

How the Grump Stole Competition

Every Dancer  in Danceville Liked dancing a lot...
But the Grump, who lived just north of Danceville, did NOT!

The Grump hated dancing! The whole competition season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his tap shoes were too tight.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his turnout always made him fall.

Whatever the reason, his hips or his ,prancer
He sat there in the audience, hating each dancer,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, grumpy  frown,
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every dancer down in Danceville beneath,
Was busy now, practicing their facials with teeth..
"And they're drying their pointe shoes!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is nationals! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Grump fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop this competition from coming!"
For tomorrow, he knew, all the dance boys and girls,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their straighteners, to get rid of their curls!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the dancers, young and old, would sit down to stretch.
And they'd stretch! And they'd stretch! And they'd STRETCH!
STRETCH! STRETCH! STRETCH!
They would stretch on tables and stairways, and floors.
Which was something the Grump always thought was a chore!

And THEN They'd do something he liked least of all!
Every dancer in Danceville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with costume parts flinging.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the dancers would start blinging!
They'd bling! And they'd bling! And they'd BLING!
BLING! BLING! BLING!
And the more the Grump thought of this dance costume bling,
The more the Grump thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

"Why, for over three years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this nationals from coming! But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRUMP GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grump laughed in his throat.

He snuck toward the hotels with the dancers there,
They  were all dreaming sweet dreams of leaping through the air..
When he came to the first hotel on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Grump hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the fire escape - feeling much like a lump.
But, if Ross could do it, then so could the Grump.

He got stuck only once, for a moment they say.
Then he creeped and he creeped down the hallway.
Where the little dancers’ costumes  all hung in a row.
"These sequins," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grump, while he crawled,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, down the hall!

Then he slunk to the closet. He took the dancers' shoes!
He took the protein bars! And he took the hair mousse!

He cleaned out that room as quick as a flash.
Why, that Grump even took their last pairs of eyelash!

"Overplayed music!" he was grumpily humming.
"They're finding out now that no competition is coming!"

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,

Then the dancers down in Danceville will all cry boo hoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Grump, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Grump put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound coming from the town below.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at Danceville! The Grump popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every dancer in Danceville, the tall and the small,
Was dancing! Without any music at all!

He HADN'T stopped competition from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Grump, with his grump-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came without costumes! It came without bling!"
"It came without eyelashes, makeup or rings!"

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grump
 thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe dance," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."
"Maybe dance...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Danceville they say,
That the Grump's small heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the costumes! And the eyelash glues!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Grump put the taps on the shoes!

Dance Mom Survival Pack - A Helpful Guide

Sure, we all know the stuff you need to pack for a competition or a performance.

• Hairspray
• Water Bottles
• Bobby Pins
• Glitter Spray

But this is not that kind of list. We shouldn't neglect ourselves, parents. We know that we can take better care of our children if we are taken care of ourselves, right?

So, without further delay: Here's the Dance Moms (and Dads) Survival Pack:

• Rations. Any parent who has ever sat through 12 hours of competition with nothing but the venue's stale pretzels knows that there comes a point in the day where you feel like you may never get out. Keep these handy in case they are running an hour (or two) behind schedule. 

• Coffee Mug - A really really big one. Because snack bar coffee sucks. 

Will 52 ounces be enough?

• If coffee isn't your thing, or if it will only work for a certain number of hours, you might want to have a back up plan:  Wine Bra for the moms, Beer Belly for the dads.  I don't want to get all gender stereotyping on you, though, so feel free to interchange them.  Just don't send me pictures. 

                               

• The REALLY? Stamp.  For use on other parents, judges, or program books that think they're funny by listing the times in them. 

• Sucks Button -  Use sparingly, these ARE children. But the urge WILL come when you've just watched your fourteenth novice tap solo. 

• Homemade "Chapstick" Bet you won't find THIS formula on Pinterest. 

Shea Butter 

Lip Balm Tubes

Krazy Glue

Of course, you can find some other handy items over there on the widget on the side (unless you're on your phone and then you'll just have to trust me.) So, get packing! It won't be long before we'll all be needing this stuff.



 Disclaimer #1 - no, I don't actually suggest that you glue someone's mouth shut. Please don't sue me.

Disclaimer #2 - every one of those pictures links back to Amazon. Feel free to click on them. Then go buy something you really need from Amazon. ;-)


Follow Dance Parent Problems on Twitter! We have lots of fun on there!
We're on Facebook too. The fun will come.

19 Stages of Watching a Dance Competition

Stages of Watching a Dance Competition

1. You get up early. Like... let’s see the sunrise together early. Except that you can’t enjoy the sunrise because...

2.  You spend twenty minutes in a panic because you  can’t find the bottom to the first costume of the day only to realize that the last time she wore it, she had a quick change and it got shoved into the bottom of the Dream Duffel.

3. You spend the next twenty minutes trying wash off the superglue-esque paste that a combination of hair gel, hairspray, and eyelash glue have created on your fingers.

4. Then you have to go back to the car because you didn’t put the spare tights in the Dream Duffel and the first pair your child put on ripped.

5. You drape your dancer in an oversized sweatshirt so that she can eat some hotel waffles for breakfast without getting syrup on her costume.

6. You run out the door and race to the venue, only to find that there’s road construction/a parade/a road race blocking all known routes to the place.

7. After finding a parking spot far enough away to count as your cardio for the day, you enter the building to be greeted with the news that they’re running an hour ahead--even though the competition started 30 minutes ago.

8.  You hand off your dancer to the teachers, only after asking a minimum of 17 times if she’s stretched.  And then you go to find a seat...

9. And discover that some parents must have camped out overnight like it was a Best Buy Black Friday sale because there’s nowhere to sit.

10.  You insist that you’re going to watch all of the numbers leading up to your studio’s performance and seven minutes later find yourself finally beating level 141 of Candy Crush.

11. You start making notes in your program to add to Dance Competition Hub when you get home.

12. At around hour 7, you begin to question your involvement in this and begin pondering the vacations you could be taking with the money you spend on dance competitions.

13. Then awards happen and your child scores a platinum on her solo and you start mentally packing for the next competition.

14. You promise to stay and watch all of the studio’s numbers and then your Starbucks app sends a notification of half price drinks.

15. You sneak back into the auditorium with your coffee, conveniently ignoring the “no food or drink allowed” sign, only to find that the seat in front of yours has been taken up by three dancers who insist on sitting on each other’s laps and giggling loudly while taking group selfies on their phones.

16. You begin plotting the murder of the parent who is too cheap to buy her own program and keeps texting you every 10 minutes to ask “what number are they on?”

17.  You try (and fail) to hide rolling your eyes at the parent who insists her precious little snowflake did not win because “the judges hate her.” (While mentally noting that she placed second.)

18. As 10 pm awards approach and you've had nothing but coffee and a half a stale pretzel, you begin to wonder how long it took for the Donner party to turn on each other.

19.  You return to your hotel room and set your alarm so that you can repeat steps 1-17 tomorrow.




Follow me on Twitter. Pretty Please. We'll have fun, I promise.

Confessions of a Dance Mom

If you follow me on Twitter (and if you don't, what are you waiting for?) you'll know that I make fun of...well, everyone. A lot. I make fun of the crazy mom who is obsessed with her child's "career", the parent who never, ever has any idea what's going on. Ever. I mock the parent who insists on interrupting class at least once a week to fix her child's skirt. I make fun of dancers and choreographers and judges and parents and costume designers...everyone is fair game. I mean, the account IS anonymous - and I believe the appeal is that these people are in EVERY studio. Everyone has a parent who mentions their child's name so many times a day that you start to keep tally marks and place bets with the other parents on how many times she'll say it.  Every studio has a parent who thinks their child is going to be a superstar. There's always a super competitive parent that you're worried may turn into the Texas Cheerleader Mom. And all of these people are also in all of us. So, without further ado: Dance Mom Confessions from me, Dance Parent Problems.

• I've thrown shoes.
• I've threatened to glue my child's eyes shut with eyelash glue.
• I've taken cell phone pictures of costumes in the hallways to get ideas for later.
• I've brought food AND drink into the auditorium. 
• I showed up for my child's very first competition without bobby pins. 
• I've been known to sleep between our studio's numbers while at competitions.
• I pack for the first competition at least two weeks early. (I've come a long way since the "no bobby pins" incident.)
• I've yelled at someone else's child. More than once. (Watch your damned kids. This isn't a daycare.) 
• I've saved seats.
• I drive my child absolutely nuts before she does her solo. "Did you stretch? Are you sure you're stretched? Why aren't you stretching?"

I'm sure there's more. LOTS more. We all do crazy things. That's part of being a dance mom (or dad.)  The important thing is that we learn to laugh about it and not take ourselves so seriously. All of this will be over long before any of us are ready and some day we'll be sitting around longing for the days of spending a week's paycheck on costumes. 

Dance Parents Have to Stick Together!

There are CRAZY dance moms out there! We have to stick together!  We're not the crazy ones, of course. It's the others. The others!!!!

You can identify the others by the following traits:

• They move your stuff in the dressing room! 
• They stand in front of you when your child is on stage! 
• They give you dirty looks!
• They save entire rows of seats for hours and no one ever shows up!
• They're usually wearing a jacket or t-shirt that says "Special Princess' Mom" (don't worry if YOU wear this...YOU aren't crazy. It's THEM!!!) 
• They run their dancer's solo at least once more even after the teacher has done it.
• They've been known to scream at teachers, other parents, and even strangers! 

Unfortunately, there isn't a darned thing we can do about these people. Your only options are to assimilate (Please only choose this option as a last resort! Think of the puppies!), develop a sense of humor about them, or to pull your child out of dance and let them start a career in competitive Backgammon.

We can stick together in other ways though. One of the things I've discovered through Twitter is a site called Dance Competition Hub  This is a competition and convention rating site. (They have a fantastic vendor rating section as well!) And it has a very thorough list of competitions, conventions, and vendors. Teachers, parents, studio owners, and dancers are all invited to review the competitions with which they have experience.  They've only been operating since April 2013 (according to the news section on the site) and I have heard myself that the competition directors have taken notice. I highly recommend that you take the time to check them out - because one way that we can stick together as crazy (some of us more than others) dance parents (and dancers - hi!!) is to keep the people we give our hard earned money to honest and fun for the kids.

P.S. They're on Facebook too! Go show some love! Dance Competition Hub 

A Year in the Life of a Competition Dance Mom

September -

So excited to start a new season.  Oh, sure, you can do two solos, two duets, and three extra numbers on top of the required ones. It won’t add too much to the tuition bill.

October -

I’m sooo bored. I want to go to a convention or a competition. Is it March yet?

November - 

For the love of God ...is it March yet?

December -

Does all last minute Christmas shopping on allaboutdance.com

January - 

Wait, how many numbers did I let you do? I forgot about the competition fees. *checks black market for going price for kidneys*

February -

Costumes are in!!! wait, how many costumes did I order? That’s a downpayment on a car!

March - 

Packs for the first competition and books hotel two weeks in advance - decorates car, lays out which studio shirts to wear each day of the event

April -

Takes duffel from March competition out of car to repack for April competition

May -

Packs 15 minutes before we leave, books hotel on way to competition, may or may not have packed a studio shirt. It may still be in the luggage from April. 

Recital - stays in the dressing room, hovering in fear of the crazy rec/class moms

June - 

Time for nationals. Kind of relieved that your dance studio owner doubles as your travel agent because at this point in the year, there’s no way you could coordinate a family vacation without falling apart.

July  - 

ahhh... time off. 

Except the workshops.

And Summer Intensives.

And parades.  

Late July - unpacks from nationals

August -

Choreography. registration. new year’s t-shirts. Oh, she outgrew her warm ups. Time for more of those. 

Is it March yet?

Follow me on Twitter! @danceparentprob

Competition Pet Peeves

1. And the title winner is...

wait, they didn’t place 1st? Oh, that’s a separate competition? And it’s an extra $75? For??? I can buy a tiara at the Dollar Tree.

2. cheering for backstage help when they sweep the stage...no one cheers for me when I sweep at home... (this one compliments of @tbhdanceteacher)

3. Props. Big or small...that never get used. I’m sure it was worth the u-haul rental for that prop that you NEVER TOUCH

4. Parents who constantly ask me what number they are on or who’s next or which one of our studio’s numbers is up next. Buy your own program, bitch.

5. Parents who should out their kids names while they are dancing. It may just be me, but I”d be all “what?” and then forget what I was doing. Seems to me it would be distracting.

6. Parents who will cheer for EVERY dancer...except one. Because being a dance parent means you regress to middle school.

7. Dancers who run around half naked when they are not on stage. A costume is just that. A costume. For performance. When you’re done, but your overpriced warm up on.

8. Acro in any dance that isn’t acro. (And I love acro, but quit putting flips into your lyrical dance. It looks stupid.)

9. Taking 15 seconds to evacuate the stage. If you’re done, move along. I’m ready for a Starbucks break and you’re holding things up.

10. Minis with inappropriate movements and costumes.

11. Seniors with inappropriate movements and costumes.

12. Productions that seem to last for 45 minutes.

13. Productions with more than 30 dancers. I don’t know how the judges can even see everyone.

14. Unorganized competitions that run everything out of order and late.

15. Competitions that have levels and rules for those levels, but do nothing about it when the cheating or “leveling down” is blatant and obvious.

16. When dancers (and parents) don’t clap for other teams or for EVERY dancer on the studio team.

17. When solos are first and the kid who didn’t “win” spends the rest of the week grumpy and unfocused.

18. Competitions that start at 7:30 am and don’t end until midnight. And then  you have to be back at 7:30 the next day.

19. When the emcee can’t pronounce the name of a studio, even after being corrected.

20. When the only concessions are stale pretzels and warm bottles of soda.

Sure, I could go on and on and if it was competition season, this list would probably be about 50 long. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

P.S. Do you follow me on Twitter? Why not? @danceparentprob

Tips for Dance Team Parents

Making the leap from dance class parent to competition can be a bit overwhelming.  You go from having to worry about recital to having many extra performances,   costs, and possibly even hours of your time.  The studio may give you hand outs about the price, possibly some hotel choices, but if you want the truth about what you need to know, keep reading.

• Never, EVER, add up how much it all costs.
• If your dancer is a boy...please don't pull him out of dance in middle school
• Once you let your kid do a solo, she'll be doing them until the end. Be prepared.
• ‏Dancers love drama. Dance teachers prefer that you keep it out of their studio.
• Remember that you're paying the teachers to choreograph and teach. Keep your mouth shut.
• You will have to put makeup and eyelashes on your 5 year old. There is actually a reason for this. Learn to love it.
• You'll forget something, a strap will break, you'll lose a shoe. The world will not end.
• Recital will be for grandparents from here on out
• Ballet. Even if your kid would rather do jazz or hip hop. She NEEDS ballet. Get her all the training you can.
• Just plan on writing a check every time you go to the studio. There's always something.
• The older your child gets, the more the costumes will cost, and the less material there will be...
• Sometimes your kid will dance with kids that suck. Sometimes, they'll be way better than your kid. Deal with it.
• Your family vacations will be wherever the studio owners decide to go to nationals.
• Don't take it too seriously. Leave that to the dancers.
• You will have to be a little crazy to survive
• Tuition, costumes, entry fees, pictures, videos, hotels, travel, warm ups, shoes, make up, jewelry, t-shirts.
• Plan on pitching in. Can you do hair? Make up? I've got the snarky comments covered. We're good there.
• Learn now that it's a team. If you want your child in a "solo" sport, there's a gym down the street
• Bring your kid to practice. 5 minutes late is better than not showing up at all.
• Be prepared to spend some money. A lot of money.
• You need to get in your head right now, that your kid is 5 and she isn't going to dance like the seniors
• Just buy a Dream Duffel now.

If Dance Moms Was Real

If you have a child in dance, especially if you have a child in competitive dance, you have probably been asked, "Is it really like it is on that t.v. show?"   I've gotten to the point that I like to tell people yes, just to see the looks on their faces.  But we, dance parents and dancers, know that it's not. It's not anything close.

The thing is, those of us who live in that world catch things that the average, never-been-to-a-competition person would never catch. But we catch it all.

One night, I took the hashtag #ifdancemomswasreal (actually it started as #ifdancemomswerereal) and had a conversation about it. If it's not my tweet, I've credited you below.

In no particular order:

If Dance Moms was real:

• We'd have no issue with traveling to take one group number and two solos
• Our studio would get to sit at the front for every awards ceremony
• Competitions would only have about 70 numbers entered
• We'd only take one junior group to the competitions. No one else would go.
• People would pay for my signature
• All dancers would compete.
• Students would be judged with "pyramids" - ‏@JennyTullis_X
• My dancers would arrive for practice in full stage make up.
• I'd arrive at competitions in a limo or on a chartered bus.
• We'd travel across the country for a regional comp. Every weekend.
• My kids would have recording and modeling contracts.
• You would only ever have one teacher/choreographer. ‏@t_marie_16
• Competition fees wouldn't be an issue. Ever.
• Kids could just drop in week to week and compete with your team.
• I would be learning new choreography and getting new costumes every week! 
• My mom would sit and watch me dance every day instead of dropping me off with dinner. @typdanceprobs
• All of the parents would be expert costume designers. ‏@t_marie_16
• We would all have private dressing rooms with no people stealing space and enough room to run dances. ‏@Morgan_Leslie16
• All of my numbers would go on one day and I wouldn't have to worry about quick changes ‏@typdanceprobs
• We could just edit out the parts of our day that we don't like.
• We could read the script ahead of time to see how we'd place.
• We'd have to "qualify" for nationals like it was some big deal.

This is not to say that many of us don't have a Melissa in our studio--or a Jill--or Heaven help you, a Kristi - but, well... you get the point.

Dance Mom Survival Course

Life as a dance mom (or dad) can get really crazy. Most of us jump into it with no clue what we are getting ourselves into. I think life would be easier on all of us if we were able to take a course to become Certified Dance Parents (not to be confused with Certifiable. That's a given.)  I have compiled the following as chapters for the course:

Lesson 1: Bringing your child to class on a regular basis. Textbook required: Calendar.

Lesson 2: Science: Learn the many uses for glitter and hairspray. Extra Credit: How to get E6000 off of your fingers.

Lesson 3: Knowing When to share: The cashier at WalMart doesn't care about your special princess's dance schedule.

Lesson 4: Managing the Shoe Odor Problem. (extra materials needed: gas mask, febreeze)

Lesson 5: Financial Planning - subchapter - don't plan on having any money.

Lesson 6: Appropriate Times to Converse with Teachers

Lesson 7: Costuming: Learn to live with it. This course is required for all dads.

Lesson 8: Gold, High Gold, Platinum, Double Super Plutonium...deciphering awards. This will be a round-table discussion as there is no logical explanation for any of this.

Lesson 9: Survival for Competition Parents. This will be an intensive weekend-long course where you are deprived of sleep and only given small rations of overpriced stale pretzels and whatever soda beverage you do not prefer.


Upon completion of the class, you'll be awarded a trophy that will break on your way home. For those excelling in the course, you'll be invited to a super special "invitation only" workshop that you'll need to pay $1000 to attend.