Dance Recital Tips - The Way They Should Be Written

#1 Your child is a preshush snowflake. We know this.  So is the person's child beside yours. Remember that. Everyone wants to to see their child perform. As a result, please refrain from the following behaviors:

• Stressing yourself out as if recital is an audition for the Joffrey Ballet.  It's not. And even if it was, it's the child's audition. Not yours.
• Yelling at your child and then yelling at them for crying because their eyes will be red on stage.
• Standing in front of people during the performance, thereby obstructing the view of someone else's preshush little snowflake.
• Talking during the performance. Just because you aren't interested, doesn't mean the person beside you isn't.
• Criticizing another child.  You don't know if their parents are sitting next to you.

#2 Respect the dance teachers and staff.  

• They will be busy. Do not take this time to ask if Little Suzy did a good job or if there will be dance class next Thursday.
• Do not ask the photographer (if there is one)  to take special pictures for you. He/She is also very busy.  There is a picture day for these kinds of requests.

• If you want to watch the dances, have a seat. Standing at the side of the stage is rude. It distracts from the dance, especially if your child is very young.  Buy a ticket and sit down. Many parents have to run back and forth between costume changes. It's part of the experience. Embrace it. 

#3 This relates to the first item. The recital is more than your child's class. There will be many, many numbers performing as there are many children involved. 

• Your child's dances will not be the first few numbers so that you can "get out of there."
• Allowing your child to watch the older kids will fill them with wonder and develop a deeper love for the art.  (Trust me on this.)
• If you must leave, do so quietly, without making a scene.
• Yes, it may take 2-2.5 hours for the recital to be finished. Enjoy it. These children have worked hard for many months to put on a good show for you.

#4 Things that I shouldn't have to say, but...

• Please refrain from using profanity in front of the children. It may be ok for you, but it may not for the kid standing next to you.
• Turn off your phone. No one cares that you're so important that you have to take a call in the middle of a performance.  It's rude.  And if you must take a call, go outside.
• Applaud for everyone.
• Thank the teachers for teaching your children.

Of course, they can't really put this stuff into a parent note.  But it would make things easier on everyone if they could. ;-)

Hey, Competitions, We Have Something to Say!

The other day, I read an article from Dance Studio Life magazine.  It's a few years old, but I still thought it was an insightful read.   It got me thinking though, about all of the things I'd like to tell THEM, the competition directors.  I am, after all, the customer.  Sure, the studio owner chooses the competitions, the kids perform, but I am the one paying for the service.  They should know what I think too, right?  Of course, I wanted to make sure I hadn't left anything out and I wanted to include everyone - so I asked the Twitter-verse what they thought: teachers, parents, dancers. 

We were all mostly on the same page.  But here's what we generally want to be able to let the competitions we attend know:

Pricing: Please stop sheltering the studios.  Many studios add an upcharge to their fees and as long as the parents were told ahead of time, that's ok. But, as mentioned above, we are the ones paying the fees and we feel like we have the right to know what they actually are.  

Schedules: When you sell out months in advance or your cut off for submissions is 30-60 days before the competition date, why on earth can you not give us a schedule sooner than 6-7 days prior?  This is especially inconvenient for those of us that travel to competitions, have to take time off of work for Friday (or earlier) starts, etc.  Especially frustrating is when you won't put a nationals schedule out until a week prior.  We understand that there's way more that goes into creating a schedule than we realize, but a skeleton would go a long way to keep us happy.

Rules: The only rule I see being routinely enforced is no photos/videos.  While I understand the safety of the dancers, protecting choreography angle, I really feel like that one is enforced because you lose money if people don't buy YOUR videos and pictures.  The rules I want to see enforced are those related to the appropriateness of the routine - no 7 year olds dressed like and dancing to a song about prostitutes.  Other rules are more specifically addressed in other points.

Awards: The overwhelming consensus (and you all talked about this a lot in the article)  is that they are out of hand.  A gold is the best award at one competition and the worst at the next.  Then another has a triple platinum.  Another has a titanium award.  And it's been a LONG time since I've seen a silver given out.  Can't we just agree on one awards system?

Levels:  If a dancer can execute a perfect triple into a tilt drop, they're not novice. You know it. They know it. Their teacher knows it.  Stop rewarding them with the diamond ruby sparkle award and a 1st place.  Move them into the appropriate competitive category, like your rules say you'll do.  The same applies to an intermediate dancer who is in 15 numbers.  If they can rehearse 15 numbers in 6 hours or less, I have a bridge to sell you.

Overbooking: Please stop starting regional competitions on a Wednesday or Thursday.  School should come first.  Book a 2nd weekend if you have to.  Or open a second room.  But if you do that, please make sure that the 2nd stage is as of the same quality and safety as the main one.  I'm not calling anyone out, but one I attended last year with two rooms was a nightmare.

Social Media: DO IT.  Answer questions.  Respond to complaints. Retweet nice things we say about you.  And post.  Don't just throw up a Facebook page and let it gather cobwebs.

Information: We've not returned to competitions more than once because of lack of information or misinformation. Make sure that whomever is speaking for your company knows what they are talking about.  And most importantly, return the studios' phone calls and emails.  Even the small studios.  Again, not naming names...  On the reverse, one of our favorite places to go is one where the director is open and communicative with our studio owners.

Judging: Don't ignore the smaller studios.  Please make the critiques useful.  We know the costume is pretty.  Work a lunch break into the schedule if you have to.  But it would be great to get critiques that don't feature the judge chewing into the microphone. And hold your judges accountable for giving everyone a critique.  One year, I sat and watched a judge enter a score after about 15 seconds for every single novice and intermediate number.  He only watched the advanced numbers.  All. Day. Long.  


Of course, we don't know if any of them will read this post.  So, the best thing you can do is offer your feedback on Dance Competition Hub.  Competition owners and vendors are taking notice and reading our feedback, so keep posting it!

How to Apply False Eyelashes

This is a skill that takes practice.  You don’t want to be doing this on your own, for the first time, right before a performance.  These steps will help you learn to be a skilled eyelash technician.

1. Stretch – Just as dancers have to stretch, it’s recommended that you are nice and limber before taking on this task.
2. Warm up.  A quick jog around the block should help you build up your cardio strength for this physical undertaking.
3. Prepare your supplies: Several pair of eyelashes, eyelash glue, catnip, bandages, water bottles, protein bars, a cat.
4. Open the catnip.
5. Feed catnip to cat.
6. Turn off the lights.
7. Spin in circles 10 times.  (You can reduce your spinning to 5 circles if your dancer is over the age of 8).
8. Find the cat.
9. Place eyelashes on the cat.
10. Hydrate. (Both yourself and the cat).
11. Bandage your wounds.
12. Instagram your cat.
13. Eat a high protein snack.
14. Now you’re ready to practice on your child.
15. Open a new pack of eyelashes.  Now, throw them away.
16. Open another pack of eyelashes.
17. Open the lid on your glue.  Rub it all over your hands.
18. Carefully place glue on the edge of the lash.  Don’t get too much, or it will ooze. Don’t use too little or they won’t stick.
19. Wait the magic number of seconds until the glue is tacky.  This number can be calculated by taking the relative humidity and dividing it by 3, then add the weight of an apple and divide by purple.  This number is ever-evolving.
20. Ask your child to shut her eyes.  Carefully place the lash just above her natural lashes.  Don’t put it too far down or you’ll glue her eyes shut.  It’s really hard to dance that way.  Not impossible, but hard.  Don’t put it too high or she’ll have what we call “Shark Lashes”  - two rows of eyelashes.
21. Instruct your child not to move until the glue is dry.  Refer to the above formula for the appropriate amount of time.
22. Ask your child to open her eyes.  Remove the lash and repeat the previous four steps.
23. Once both eyelashes are successfully and appropriately applied, instruct your child that she is not to sneeze, blink, cry, or yawn for the next 12-14 hours.

 

Things I Wonder About While Driving to the Dance Studio

Presenting a series of rhetorical questions from Dance Parent Problems: 

1. As much as we pay in competition entry fees, would it kill the companies to provide free drinking water for the dancers?
2. Why do kids rush to be the first on stage at awards? Even after they've been told to wait.  At least 3 times.  Do they think that they’ll score higher if they are nearest the emcee?
3. When you're in a venue the size of Giants Stadium, why do you have to share a dressing room with three other teams?
4. Why don't the vendor tables sell useful items like clear nail polish, eyelash glue, scissors, and make up remover?
5. Why do the staples always come out of a $12 program book? Can't you buy better staples?
6. Why must one person in a hip hop number always break from the group and lip sync while waving her arms?
7. Do nice, polite kids ever get special recognition or do we just not notice because their parents aren't obnoxious?
8. What's up with awarding an automatic platinum just because someone's music stopped? Bent legs and no plie are not cause for a platinum, a capella or not. 
9. Why do all employees of a competition wear 6 inch heels.  Is that a skill you have to put on your resume?
10. Why do competitions allow a dancer who can do a perfect triple followed by a flawless tilt to remain in the novice category, yet, if you snap a pic on your iphone, they're on you like the KGB.
11. What's up with some competitions (who shall remain nameless here...as much as I want to call them out) treat intermediate teams like second-class citizens?  If you don't want the offer the levels, you don't have to.
12. How can a platinum be 290 at one competition and 270 at another.
13. Why do competition have bronze and sliver awards if they never use them?
14. Have you ever seen anyone NOT qualify for nationals?  I haven't. 

Dance Moms - It’s Not Real

And all I have to say about that is “Thank God!”

This post isn't necessarily for those of us who are already dance moms and dads.  It’s for everyone else.  Grandmas, uncles, cousins, friends...and most importantly, for those people who are on the fence about enrolling their child in dance classes.

Dance Moms doesn't represent anything that’s real about the dance world - any of it.  It certainly doesn't represent pre-pro dancing, which is what Abby tries to claim. (She frequently claims that many of her students are big professional stars. And maybe they are, but they didn't get there by participating in the hysterics that that show offers up.)

What irritates me the most is the way the competition world is portrayed. I've been a competition mom for a very long time and as my oldest and youngest are many years apart, I don’t see myself leaving this arena any time soon. I've seen a lot.  But I've never seen anything like they portray on that show.

I won’t say that everything is always sunshine and roses.  You’ll encounter people who aren't very nice.  You’ll experience people who cheat, who think their dancer is the next Anna Pavlova, who you worry might try to break the leg of any dancer who gets in their way. There will be people who are only in it for the “glory” - the trophies and whose lives hinge on where their child’s solo places that weekend.  People involved in dance at every level step on people to get what they want, they name drop, they trash other dancers or studios. (I promise I’m getting to the point.)  They can be downright nasty.  But... replace the word dance with the word football and tell me it’s any different? Maybe less glitter.  I think.

They way this “reality show” depicts life inside a competitive dance studio is ridiculous.  The thing is - those of us who live it KNOW that. (And if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll see me ranting and raving about just these things each time it’s on.)  The reason I’m angry is because of those of you who watch who aren’t dance parents. This is the picture you’re given of what dance teachers and parents are like.  It isn’t real.  If it were real, my kids wouldn't be doing it.

I know that everyone’s experiences and everyone’s studios are different.  There are great teachers and owners just like there are bad ones.  I can only speak to my experience and say that dance has done far more for my children than it has ever been negative. Dance teaches poise, responsibility, encourages physical fitness, and builds lifelong relationships - not just for your kids, but for parents too.

Still not convinced? Here are some things I've seen recently on Dance Moms that do not happen in the real world.

• Competing every weekend - again every studio is different, but I can’t say I know anyone that competes every single weekend.  Competitive dance is expensive. Unless you have a cable station footing the bill, you won’t be boarding chartered buses or airplanes to get to weekend competitions.
• Learning new numbers every week - most studios learn their competition dances and then spend weeks or months cleaning them, getting them ready for competition. And I do not believe for one second that those kids don’t know those dances before they “learn” them on the show.
• Physical fights in the dressing rooms.  Snotty comments made under your breath, yes. All out fights...never seen one.
• Teachers demeaning students (and parents) - I know it may happen. Like I said, there are some pretty rotten owners out there.  I can’t say I personally know a single parent who would put up with the made-for-tv abuse that the girls and their mothers endure on that show. If you find a good studio, it just doesn't happen.
• Pitting kids against each other - Competitive teams don’t just have one 13 year old and one 8 year old.  Your kid might have a solo or a group dance against her friend.  It’s a good opportunity to learn about sportsmanship and losing AND WINNING gracefully.
• Pulling a kid out of a number because you don’t like the mom.  It just doesn't happen. People that aren't on t.v. have businesses to run.  That’s not really an income generating activity.

It breaks my heart to know that so many of you are steering away from dance because of the made-for-tv drama in what is decidedly not a reality show at all. I hope you’ll let your child experience the joy of dance and performing.  The feeling you’ll get when watching them will not be equaled. I promise you that.