Confessions of a Dance Mom

If you follow me on Twitter (and if you don't, what are you waiting for?) you'll know that I make fun of...well, everyone. A lot. I make fun of the crazy mom who is obsessed with her child's "career", the parent who never, ever has any idea what's going on. Ever. I mock the parent who insists on interrupting class at least once a week to fix her child's skirt. I make fun of dancers and choreographers and judges and parents and costume designers...everyone is fair game. I mean, the account IS anonymous - and I believe the appeal is that these people are in EVERY studio. Everyone has a parent who mentions their child's name so many times a day that you start to keep tally marks and place bets with the other parents on how many times she'll say it.  Every studio has a parent who thinks their child is going to be a superstar. There's always a super competitive parent that you're worried may turn into the Texas Cheerleader Mom. And all of these people are also in all of us. So, without further ado: Dance Mom Confessions from me, Dance Parent Problems.

• I've thrown shoes.
• I've threatened to glue my child's eyes shut with eyelash glue.
• I've taken cell phone pictures of costumes in the hallways to get ideas for later.
• I've brought food AND drink into the auditorium. 
• I showed up for my child's very first competition without bobby pins. 
• I've been known to sleep between our studio's numbers while at competitions.
• I pack for the first competition at least two weeks early. (I've come a long way since the "no bobby pins" incident.)
• I've yelled at someone else's child. More than once. (Watch your damned kids. This isn't a daycare.) 
• I've saved seats.
• I drive my child absolutely nuts before she does her solo. "Did you stretch? Are you sure you're stretched? Why aren't you stretching?"

I'm sure there's more. LOTS more. We all do crazy things. That's part of being a dance mom (or dad.)  The important thing is that we learn to laugh about it and not take ourselves so seriously. All of this will be over long before any of us are ready and some day we'll be sitting around longing for the days of spending a week's paycheck on costumes.