How to Apply False Eyelashes

This is a skill that takes practice.  You don’t want to be doing this on your own, for the first time, right before a performance.  These steps will help you learn to be a skilled eyelash technician.

1. Stretch – Just as dancers have to stretch, it’s recommended that you are nice and limber before taking on this task.
2. Warm up.  A quick jog around the block should help you build up your cardio strength for this physical undertaking.
3. Prepare your supplies: Several pair of eyelashes, eyelash glue, catnip, bandages, water bottles, protein bars, a cat.
4. Open the catnip.
5. Feed catnip to cat.
6. Turn off the lights.
7. Spin in circles 10 times.  (You can reduce your spinning to 5 circles if your dancer is over the age of 8).
8. Find the cat.
9. Place eyelashes on the cat.
10. Hydrate. (Both yourself and the cat).
11. Bandage your wounds.
12. Instagram your cat.
13. Eat a high protein snack.
14. Now you’re ready to practice on your child.
15. Open a new pack of eyelashes.  Now, throw them away.
16. Open another pack of eyelashes.
17. Open the lid on your glue.  Rub it all over your hands.
18. Carefully place glue on the edge of the lash.  Don’t get too much, or it will ooze. Don’t use too little or they won’t stick.
19. Wait the magic number of seconds until the glue is tacky.  This number can be calculated by taking the relative humidity and dividing it by 3, then add the weight of an apple and divide by purple.  This number is ever-evolving.
20. Ask your child to shut her eyes.  Carefully place the lash just above her natural lashes.  Don’t put it too far down or you’ll glue her eyes shut.  It’s really hard to dance that way.  Not impossible, but hard.  Don’t put it too high or she’ll have what we call “Shark Lashes”  - two rows of eyelashes.
21. Instruct your child not to move until the glue is dry.  Refer to the above formula for the appropriate amount of time.
22. Ask your child to open her eyes.  Remove the lash and repeat the previous four steps.
23. Once both eyelashes are successfully and appropriately applied, instruct your child that she is not to sneeze, blink, cry, or yawn for the next 12-14 hours.

 

Dance Mom Survival Pack - A Helpful Guide

Sure, we all know the stuff you need to pack for a competition or a performance.

• Hairspray
• Water Bottles
• Bobby Pins
• Glitter Spray

But this is not that kind of list. We shouldn't neglect ourselves, parents. We know that we can take better care of our children if we are taken care of ourselves, right?

So, without further delay: Here's the Dance Moms (and Dads) Survival Pack:

• Rations. Any parent who has ever sat through 12 hours of competition with nothing but the venue's stale pretzels knows that there comes a point in the day where you feel like you may never get out. Keep these handy in case they are running an hour (or two) behind schedule. 

• Coffee Mug - A really really big one. Because snack bar coffee sucks. 

Will 52 ounces be enough?

• If coffee isn't your thing, or if it will only work for a certain number of hours, you might want to have a back up plan:  Wine Bra for the moms, Beer Belly for the dads.  I don't want to get all gender stereotyping on you, though, so feel free to interchange them.  Just don't send me pictures. 

                               

• The REALLY? Stamp.  For use on other parents, judges, or program books that think they're funny by listing the times in them. 

• Sucks Button -  Use sparingly, these ARE children. But the urge WILL come when you've just watched your fourteenth novice tap solo. 

• Homemade "Chapstick" Bet you won't find THIS formula on Pinterest. 

Shea Butter 

Lip Balm Tubes

Krazy Glue

Of course, you can find some other handy items over there on the widget on the side (unless you're on your phone and then you'll just have to trust me.) So, get packing! It won't be long before we'll all be needing this stuff.



 Disclaimer #1 - no, I don't actually suggest that you glue someone's mouth shut. Please don't sue me.

Disclaimer #2 - every one of those pictures links back to Amazon. Feel free to click on them. Then go buy something you really need from Amazon. ;-)


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