Sunday, September 22, 2013

Dance Parents Have to Stick Together!

There are CRAZY dance moms out there! We have to stick together!  We're not the crazy ones, of course. It's the others. The others!!!!

You can identify the others by the following traits:

  • They move your stuff in the dressing room! 
  • They stand in front of you when your child is on stage! 
  • They give you dirty looks!
  • They save entire rows of seats for hours and no one ever shows up!
  • They're usually wearing a jacket or t-shirt that says "Special Princess' Mom" (don't worry if YOU wear this...YOU aren't crazy. It's THEM!!!) 
  • They run their dancer's solo at least once more even after the teacher has done it.
  • They've been known to scream at teachers, other parents, and even strangers! 
Unfortunately, there isn't a darned thing we can do about these people. Your only options are to assimilate (Please only choose this option as a last resort! Think of the puppies!), develop a sense of humor about them, or to pull your child out of dance and let them start a career in competitive Backgammon.

We can stick together in other ways though. One of the things I've discovered through Twitter is a site called Dance Competition Hub  This is a competition and convention rating site. (They have a fantastic vendor rating section as well!) And it has a very thorough list of competitions, conventions, and vendors. Teachers, parents, studio owners, and dancers are all invited to review the competitions with which they have experience.  They've only been operating since April 2013 (according to the news section on the site) and I have heard myself that the competition directors have taken notice. I highly recommend that you take the time to check them out - because one way that we can stick together as crazy (some of us more than others) dance parents (and dancers - hi!!) is to keep the people we give our hard earned money to honest and fun for the kids.

P.S. They're on Facebook too! Go show some love! Dance Competition Hub 

Friday, September 20, 2013

Featured Friday 9/20/13

Thanks to @run_my_ERINs for her featured Friday submission. What a great shot!

Do you want to be featured on Featured Friday? Email me your pictures (or YouTube videos) to  Please make sure they are your property-no watermarks, etc. And please include your Twitter handle in the email so I can properly credit you!

Do you follow me on Twitter? 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Q & A Flyer - for the Dance Clueless

You know them. The people who ask you the "well-meaning" questions about dance. Or, better yet, the ones who are just plain trying to be assholes. It seems like they just ask the same things over and over again. Well, here's the answer: A simple flyer for you to hand out to nosey-Nellies. Maybe they'll get a nasty paper cut.

For your convenience, I've supplied two answers to each question. A1 - the answer I would give and A2  - the answer a person who doesn't have to be sarcastic with every interaction might say.

Q: How much do you pay for all of that dance? 
A1: Are you planning on contributing? No? Then it's none of your damned business.
A2: It's part of his/her arts education. I don't monetize it.

Q:  Why are you wasting time with dance? It's not like it's going to pay the bills.
A1: Oh, yes, because statistics show that every junior high football player has like a 90% chance of becoming a millionaire.
A2: Grace, poise, confidence, athleticism. Shall I go on?

Q: Where did she get all of those bruises?
A1: She likes to go to the laundromat with her friends and a roll of quarters and play in the dryers.
A2: Because dance is a sport. Football players and soccer players and softball players get bruises too.

Q: How can you let her wear all of that make up?
A1:  I"m training her to be a pole dancer. I'm spending all of my retirement money on her training. She'll need to support me when I"m old.
A2: It's stage make up. Her face would look like a white blob on stage without it. She doesn't wear it to K-mart.

Q: Why do you let her wear that costume?
A1: What's the alternative? Not wearing it?
A2: If she was in a play, she'd have a costume. She wouldn't wear it to the mall. Same rules apply.

Q: Why do you care so much about her dancing?
A1: Why do YOU care so much about her dancing?
A2: Because she does.

Be sure to print this handy little guide out and keep it in your wallet for quick reference at your next family function. And if Aunt Glenda still won't listen, send her to my Twitter. I'll straighten her out.

Friday, September 6, 2013

Featured Friday 9/6/13

If you'd like to have your photo featured on the Dance Parent Problems blog, please send no more than 2 photos to  (you can tweet them to me, but I might miss them - better to email) They cannot contain a watermark - but if you have professional photos, such as the lovely lady below and you've been asked to leave the photographer's name on them, I have no issues with that. I just don't want anyone getting in trouble.

I'd like do do a featured video each month too - so as long as you own the rights to the video, feel free to send me the link to your YouTube video.

With either type of entry, please include your twitter user name so I can tag you!





Do you follow me on Twitter? @danceparentprob

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

A Year in the Life of a Competition Dance Mom

September -
So excited to start a new season.  Oh, sure, you can do two solos, two duets, and three extra numbers on top of the required ones. It won’t add too much to the tuition bill.

October -
I’m sooo bored. I want to go to a convention or a competition. Is it March yet?

For the love of God it March yet?

December -
Does all last minute Christmas shopping on

Wait, how many numbers did I let you do? I forgot about the competition fees. *checks black market for going price for kidneys*

February -
Costumes are in!!! wait, how many costumes did I order? That’s a downpayment on a car!

Packs for the first competition and books hotel two weeks in advance - decorates car, lays out which studio shirts to wear each day of the event

April -
Takes duffel from March competition out of car to repack for April competition

May -
Packs 15 minutes before we leave, books hotel on way to competition, may or may not have packed a studio shirt. It may still be in the luggage from April. 
Recital - stays in the dressing room, hovering in fear of the crazy rec/class moms

Time for nationals. Kind of relieved that your dance studio owner doubles as your travel agent because at this point in the year, there’s no way you could coordinate a family vacation without falling apart.
July  - 
ahhh... time off. 
Except the workshops.
And Summer Intensives.
And parades.  
Late July - unpacks from nationals

August -
Choreography. registration. new year’s t-shirts. Oh, she outgrew her warm ups. Time for more of those. 
Is it March yet?

Follow me on Twitter! @danceparentprob

Monday, September 2, 2013

Competition Pet Peeves

1. And the title winner is...
wait, they didn’t place 1st? Oh, that’s a separate competition? And it’s an extra $75? For??? I can buy a tiara at the Dollar Tree.

2. cheering for backstage help when they sweep the one cheers for me when I sweep at home... (this one compliments of @tbhdanceteacher)

3. Props. Big or small...that never get used. I’m sure it was worth the u-haul rental for that prop that you NEVER TOUCH

4. Parents who constantly ask me what number they are on or who’s next or which one of our studio’s numbers is up next. Buy your own program, bitch.

5. Parents who should out their kids names while they are dancing. It may just be me, but I”d be all “what?” and then forget what I was doing. Seems to me it would be distracting.

6. Parents who will cheer for EVERY dancer...except one. Because being a dance parent means you regress to middle school.

7. Dancers who run around half naked when they are not on stage. A costume is just that. A costume. For performance. When you’re done, but your overpriced warm up on.

8. Acro in any dance that isn’t acro. (And I love acro, but quit putting flips into your lyrical dance. It looks stupid.)

9. Taking 15 seconds to evacuate the stage. If you’re done, move along. I’m ready for a Starbucks break and you’re holding things up.

10. Minis with inappropriate movements and costumes.

11. Seniors with inappropriate movements and costumes.

12. Productions that seem to last for 45 minutes.

13. Productions with more than 30 dancers. I don’t know how the judges can even see everyone.

14. Unorganized competitions that run everything out of order and late.

15. Competitions that have levels and rules for those levels, but do nothing about it when the cheating or “leveling down” is blatant and obvious.

16. When dancers (and parents) don’t clap for other teams or for EVERY dancer on the studio team.

17. When solos are first and the kid who didn’t “win” spends the rest of the week grumpy and unfocused.

18. Competitions that start at 7:30 am and don’t end until midnight. And then  you have to be back at 7:30 the next day.

19. When the emcee can’t pronounce the name of a studio, even after being corrected.

20. When the only concessions are stale pretzels and warm bottles of soda.

Sure, I could go on and on and if it was competition season, this list would probably be about 50 long. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

P.S. Do you follow me on Twitter? Why not? @danceparentprob



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