19 Stages of Watching a Dance Competition

Stages of Watching a Dance Competition

1. You get up early. Like... let’s see the sunrise together early. Except that you can’t enjoy the sunrise because...

2.  You spend twenty minutes in a panic because you  can’t find the bottom to the first costume of the day only to realize that the last time she wore it, she had a quick change and it got shoved into the bottom of the Dream Duffel.

3. You spend the next twenty minutes trying wash off the superglue-esque paste that a combination of hair gel, hairspray, and eyelash glue have created on your fingers.

4. Then you have to go back to the car because you didn’t put the spare tights in the Dream Duffel and the first pair your child put on ripped.

5. You drape your dancer in an oversized sweatshirt so that she can eat some hotel waffles for breakfast without getting syrup on her costume.

6. You run out the door and race to the venue, only to find that there’s road construction/a parade/a road race blocking all known routes to the place.

7. After finding a parking spot far enough away to count as your cardio for the day, you enter the building to be greeted with the news that they’re running an hour ahead--even though the competition started 30 minutes ago.

8.  You hand off your dancer to the teachers, only after asking a minimum of 17 times if she’s stretched.  And then you go to find a seat...

9. And discover that some parents must have camped out overnight like it was a Best Buy Black Friday sale because there’s nowhere to sit.

10.  You insist that you’re going to watch all of the numbers leading up to your studio’s performance and seven minutes later find yourself finally beating level 141 of Candy Crush.

11. You start making notes in your program to add to Dance Competition Hub when you get home.

12. At around hour 7, you begin to question your involvement in this and begin pondering the vacations you could be taking with the money you spend on dance competitions.

13. Then awards happen and your child scores a platinum on her solo and you start mentally packing for the next competition.

14. You promise to stay and watch all of the studio’s numbers and then your Starbucks app sends a notification of half price drinks.

15. You sneak back into the auditorium with your coffee, conveniently ignoring the “no food or drink allowed” sign, only to find that the seat in front of yours has been taken up by three dancers who insist on sitting on each other’s laps and giggling loudly while taking group selfies on their phones.

16. You begin plotting the murder of the parent who is too cheap to buy her own program and keeps texting you every 10 minutes to ask “what number are they on?”

17.  You try (and fail) to hide rolling your eyes at the parent who insists her precious little snowflake did not win because “the judges hate her.” (While mentally noting that she placed second.)

18. As 10 pm awards approach and you've had nothing but coffee and a half a stale pretzel, you begin to wonder how long it took for the Donner party to turn on each other.

19.  You return to your hotel room and set your alarm so that you can repeat steps 1-17 tomorrow.




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Dance Parents Have to Stick Together!

There are CRAZY dance moms out there! We have to stick together!  We're not the crazy ones, of course. It's the others. The others!!!!

You can identify the others by the following traits:

• They move your stuff in the dressing room! 
• They stand in front of you when your child is on stage! 
• They give you dirty looks!
• They save entire rows of seats for hours and no one ever shows up!
• They're usually wearing a jacket or t-shirt that says "Special Princess' Mom" (don't worry if YOU wear this...YOU aren't crazy. It's THEM!!!) 
• They run their dancer's solo at least once more even after the teacher has done it.
• They've been known to scream at teachers, other parents, and even strangers! 

Unfortunately, there isn't a darned thing we can do about these people. Your only options are to assimilate (Please only choose this option as a last resort! Think of the puppies!), develop a sense of humor about them, or to pull your child out of dance and let them start a career in competitive Backgammon.

We can stick together in other ways though. One of the things I've discovered through Twitter is a site called Dance Competition Hub  This is a competition and convention rating site. (They have a fantastic vendor rating section as well!) And it has a very thorough list of competitions, conventions, and vendors. Teachers, parents, studio owners, and dancers are all invited to review the competitions with which they have experience.  They've only been operating since April 2013 (according to the news section on the site) and I have heard myself that the competition directors have taken notice. I highly recommend that you take the time to check them out - because one way that we can stick together as crazy (some of us more than others) dance parents (and dancers - hi!!) is to keep the people we give our hard earned money to honest and fun for the kids.

P.S. They're on Facebook too! Go show some love! Dance Competition Hub 

A Year in the Life of a Competition Dance Mom

September -

So excited to start a new season.  Oh, sure, you can do two solos, two duets, and three extra numbers on top of the required ones. It won’t add too much to the tuition bill.

October -

I’m sooo bored. I want to go to a convention or a competition. Is it March yet?

November - 

For the love of God ...is it March yet?

December -

Does all last minute Christmas shopping on allaboutdance.com

January - 

Wait, how many numbers did I let you do? I forgot about the competition fees. *checks black market for going price for kidneys*

February -

Costumes are in!!! wait, how many costumes did I order? That’s a downpayment on a car!

March - 

Packs for the first competition and books hotel two weeks in advance - decorates car, lays out which studio shirts to wear each day of the event

April -

Takes duffel from March competition out of car to repack for April competition

May -

Packs 15 minutes before we leave, books hotel on way to competition, may or may not have packed a studio shirt. It may still be in the luggage from April. 

Recital - stays in the dressing room, hovering in fear of the crazy rec/class moms

June - 

Time for nationals. Kind of relieved that your dance studio owner doubles as your travel agent because at this point in the year, there’s no way you could coordinate a family vacation without falling apart.

July  - 

ahhh... time off. 

Except the workshops.

And Summer Intensives.

And parades.  

Late July - unpacks from nationals

August -

Choreography. registration. new year’s t-shirts. Oh, she outgrew her warm ups. Time for more of those. 

Is it March yet?

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Competition Pet Peeves

1. And the title winner is...

wait, they didn’t place 1st? Oh, that’s a separate competition? And it’s an extra $75? For??? I can buy a tiara at the Dollar Tree.

2. cheering for backstage help when they sweep the stage...no one cheers for me when I sweep at home... (this one compliments of @tbhdanceteacher)

3. Props. Big or small...that never get used. I’m sure it was worth the u-haul rental for that prop that you NEVER TOUCH

4. Parents who constantly ask me what number they are on or who’s next or which one of our studio’s numbers is up next. Buy your own program, bitch.

5. Parents who should out their kids names while they are dancing. It may just be me, but I”d be all “what?” and then forget what I was doing. Seems to me it would be distracting.

6. Parents who will cheer for EVERY dancer...except one. Because being a dance parent means you regress to middle school.

7. Dancers who run around half naked when they are not on stage. A costume is just that. A costume. For performance. When you’re done, but your overpriced warm up on.

8. Acro in any dance that isn’t acro. (And I love acro, but quit putting flips into your lyrical dance. It looks stupid.)

9. Taking 15 seconds to evacuate the stage. If you’re done, move along. I’m ready for a Starbucks break and you’re holding things up.

10. Minis with inappropriate movements and costumes.

11. Seniors with inappropriate movements and costumes.

12. Productions that seem to last for 45 minutes.

13. Productions with more than 30 dancers. I don’t know how the judges can even see everyone.

14. Unorganized competitions that run everything out of order and late.

15. Competitions that have levels and rules for those levels, but do nothing about it when the cheating or “leveling down” is blatant and obvious.

16. When dancers (and parents) don’t clap for other teams or for EVERY dancer on the studio team.

17. When solos are first and the kid who didn’t “win” spends the rest of the week grumpy and unfocused.

18. Competitions that start at 7:30 am and don’t end until midnight. And then  you have to be back at 7:30 the next day.

19. When the emcee can’t pronounce the name of a studio, even after being corrected.

20. When the only concessions are stale pretzels and warm bottles of soda.

Sure, I could go on and on and if it was competition season, this list would probably be about 50 long. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

P.S. Do you follow me on Twitter? Why not? @danceparentprob

Tips for Dance Team Parents

Making the leap from dance class parent to competition can be a bit overwhelming.  You go from having to worry about recital to having many extra performances,   costs, and possibly even hours of your time.  The studio may give you hand outs about the price, possibly some hotel choices, but if you want the truth about what you need to know, keep reading.

• Never, EVER, add up how much it all costs.
• If your dancer is a boy...please don't pull him out of dance in middle school
• Once you let your kid do a solo, she'll be doing them until the end. Be prepared.
• ‏Dancers love drama. Dance teachers prefer that you keep it out of their studio.
• Remember that you're paying the teachers to choreograph and teach. Keep your mouth shut.
• You will have to put makeup and eyelashes on your 5 year old. There is actually a reason for this. Learn to love it.
• You'll forget something, a strap will break, you'll lose a shoe. The world will not end.
• Recital will be for grandparents from here on out
• Ballet. Even if your kid would rather do jazz or hip hop. She NEEDS ballet. Get her all the training you can.
• Just plan on writing a check every time you go to the studio. There's always something.
• The older your child gets, the more the costumes will cost, and the less material there will be...
• Sometimes your kid will dance with kids that suck. Sometimes, they'll be way better than your kid. Deal with it.
• Your family vacations will be wherever the studio owners decide to go to nationals.
• Don't take it too seriously. Leave that to the dancers.
• You will have to be a little crazy to survive
• Tuition, costumes, entry fees, pictures, videos, hotels, travel, warm ups, shoes, make up, jewelry, t-shirts.
• Plan on pitching in. Can you do hair? Make up? I've got the snarky comments covered. We're good there.
• Learn now that it's a team. If you want your child in a "solo" sport, there's a gym down the street
• Bring your kid to practice. 5 minutes late is better than not showing up at all.
• Be prepared to spend some money. A lot of money.
• You need to get in your head right now, that your kid is 5 and she isn't going to dance like the seniors
• Just buy a Dream Duffel now.

10 Rules for New Dance Parents

Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.

1. New to the studio? This is a new place. New rules, new kids, new teachers. Stop comparing. It's annoying.

2. New to the competitive team?  The "best" at her old studio doesn't mean jack here...maybe her old studio sucked. Maybe not. But hush.

3. Don't complain that your kid doesn't know the dance at performances if she's not in class to learn it.

4. Christmas show and recital. Just plan for it now and don't bitch when they get here.

5.Yes, you'll need to buy the same shoes and costumes that everyone else in the class has.

6. Class parents: Do not ask me how much team costs. You don't want to know and I don't like to think about it.

7. Parents of small children: When your little ones watch the big ones perform, they are going to want to dance like  that. Cancel all plans for the next 10 years.

8. Going into the studio during class isn't as helpful as you think it is. Sit down.

9. Let the teachers do their job. If you feel you are qualified to teach dance, open your own studio or apply for a job.

10. Be nice. I have a really good memory.

Dance Mom Survival Course

Life as a dance mom (or dad) can get really crazy. Most of us jump into it with no clue what we are getting ourselves into. I think life would be easier on all of us if we were able to take a course to become Certified Dance Parents (not to be confused with Certifiable. That's a given.)  I have compiled the following as chapters for the course:

Lesson 1: Bringing your child to class on a regular basis. Textbook required: Calendar.

Lesson 2: Science: Learn the many uses for glitter and hairspray. Extra Credit: How to get E6000 off of your fingers.

Lesson 3: Knowing When to share: The cashier at WalMart doesn't care about your special princess's dance schedule.

Lesson 4: Managing the Shoe Odor Problem. (extra materials needed: gas mask, febreeze)

Lesson 5: Financial Planning - subchapter - don't plan on having any money.

Lesson 6: Appropriate Times to Converse with Teachers

Lesson 7: Costuming: Learn to live with it. This course is required for all dads.

Lesson 8: Gold, High Gold, Platinum, Double Super Plutonium...deciphering awards. This will be a round-table discussion as there is no logical explanation for any of this.

Lesson 9: Survival for Competition Parents. This will be an intensive weekend-long course where you are deprived of sleep and only given small rations of overpriced stale pretzels and whatever soda beverage you do not prefer.


Upon completion of the class, you'll be awarded a trophy that will break on your way home. For those excelling in the course, you'll be invited to a super special "invitation only" workshop that you'll need to pay $1000 to attend.