Dance Recital Tips - The Way They Should Be Written

#1 Your child is a preshush snowflake. We know this.  So is the person's child beside yours. Remember that. Everyone wants to to see their child perform. As a result, please refrain from the following behaviors:

• Stressing yourself out as if recital is an audition for the Joffrey Ballet.  It's not. And even if it was, it's the child's audition. Not yours.
• Yelling at your child and then yelling at them for crying because their eyes will be red on stage.
• Standing in front of people during the performance, thereby obstructing the view of someone else's preshush little snowflake.
• Talking during the performance. Just because you aren't interested, doesn't mean the person beside you isn't.
• Criticizing another child.  You don't know if their parents are sitting next to you.

#2 Respect the dance teachers and staff.  

• They will be busy. Do not take this time to ask if Little Suzy did a good job or if there will be dance class next Thursday.
• Do not ask the photographer (if there is one)  to take special pictures for you. He/She is also very busy.  There is a picture day for these kinds of requests.

• If you want to watch the dances, have a seat. Standing at the side of the stage is rude. It distracts from the dance, especially if your child is very young.  Buy a ticket and sit down. Many parents have to run back and forth between costume changes. It's part of the experience. Embrace it. 

#3 This relates to the first item. The recital is more than your child's class. There will be many, many numbers performing as there are many children involved. 

• Your child's dances will not be the first few numbers so that you can "get out of there."
• Allowing your child to watch the older kids will fill them with wonder and develop a deeper love for the art.  (Trust me on this.)
• If you must leave, do so quietly, without making a scene.
• Yes, it may take 2-2.5 hours for the recital to be finished. Enjoy it. These children have worked hard for many months to put on a good show for you.

#4 Things that I shouldn't have to say, but...

• Please refrain from using profanity in front of the children. It may be ok for you, but it may not for the kid standing next to you.
• Turn off your phone. No one cares that you're so important that you have to take a call in the middle of a performance.  It's rude.  And if you must take a call, go outside.
• Applaud for everyone.
• Thank the teachers for teaching your children.

Of course, they can't really put this stuff into a parent note.  But it would make things easier on everyone if they could. ;-)

57 Easy Steps for Preparing the first Competition of the Year - the week before.

1. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
2. Check Dance Competition Hub for complaints about how long it takes the competition to put out a schedule.
3. Compose packing list.
4. Clean out last year’s costumes from Dream Duffel.
5. Pretend like you don’t care about how much money you are packing into a rubbermaid container, never to be worn again.
6. Get on Amazon to order new hangars because there is not a single costume on a hangar in the bag.
7. Email teacher to find out if costume was supposed to have two gloves.
8. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.\
9. Run to drug store for eyelash glue.
10. Find full tube of eyelash glue that you just bought last fall  in side pocket of Dream Duffel.
11. Google how to clean 3 ounces of smashed 5 month old deodorant out of a canvas bag.
12. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
13. Taken inventory of make up.  If you have everything you need, you’ll be ordering a different brand this year.  If you are out, so is the store where you buy it.
14. Check the jewelry box.  Note that one earring is missing.  Email teacher to order a new pair.
15. Remember that you do not yet have a hotel. Spend approximately 4 hours on the computer researching prices, proximity of hotel to the venue, and availability of a continental breakfast that you’ll not even be able to eat because you have to leave the hotel so early each day because your dancer manages to have a 7 am call time both days.
16. Get on Twitter to complain about hotel prices.
17. Priceline and hold your breath.
18. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
19. Email teacher to see if she has a schedule yet.
20. Wonder why your emails to the teacher are suddenly bouncing back as undeliverable.
21. Drive to rehearsal.
22. Write a check larger than your car payment to cover entry fees.
23. Claim the “lost” glove from step 7.
24. Return home and realize that the costumes are still laying on your bed.
25. Throw costumes on top of your dresser. You’ll finish in the morning.
26. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
27. Get on Twitter to complain that there is no schedule.
28. Morning is here.  Get packing.
29. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
30. Carefully place each costume into its own garment bag. 
31. Label each garment bag with the name of the number and your child’s name.
32. Lay each costume neatly into the Dream Duffel.
33. Put make up, tights, earrings, and accessories each in their own little pocket.
34. Take a picture of your masterpiece because an hour into the first day, nothing will be in its place. 
35. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
36. Check your team’s Facebook page.  Read that the competition has not put out a schedule, but they would like for you to bring a 10X12 float for a spirit contest and would like you to follow their very strict guidelines for entry.
37. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
38. Unpack Dream Duffel so that you can recount the costumes to make sure you have everything.
39. Ask your dancer (even if she’s 17) to make sure every shoe has a right and a left.
40. Fill your car with gas.
41. Count costumes again.
42. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule.
43. Begin packing snacks for 14 hour days.
44. Realize that you have no snacks and go to the store.
45. Return home and pack the snacks.
46. Play a round of Tetris to remind you of how to pack your clothes, the Dream Duffel, the snacks, the shoes, the dancer’s bag of clothes that aren’t costumes into a trunk that is only half of the size of the items you are bringing.
47. Count the costumes again.
48. Pack the trunk
49. Look at the competition’s website for a schedule. It’s there!
50. Realize that your child’s first dance is at 7 a.m.  Her second one is at noon.  Her third is at 8 pm.  Awards are at midnight.
51. Buy more snacks.
52. Put the venue address into your GPS.  Realize that three blocks from your house, your GPS has updated to the latest version and it’s driving you in the wrong direction.
53. Arrive at venue only to realize that all of the roads around and leading up to the venue are closed because of a street fair. 
54. Obtain detour map from helpful volunteer.
55. Drive in circles for approximately 45 minutes.
56. Arrive at venue in a rush, thinking you are late, to find out that the competition is running two hours behind, despite having only started an hour ago.
57. Have fun and be prepared to do it all again in a few weeks!

*Yes, I know.  Not everyone does all of these steps and some of you do other steps.  It’s ok.

How to Train to be Dance Mom

Becoming a dance mom is no simple feat. Most people don't understand all of the preparation and training that goes into it. I've outlined a few simple pointers for you, should you be considering a career as dance mom.

Set Your Boundaries

Sit down and carefully plan out how much money you’re willing to spend, how far you’re willing to travel, and what your guidelines are for two piece costumes.  Then tear up that piece of paper and burn it because it’s worthless anyway.

Learn the Dance Mom  Way

Study dance moms who have come before you. (For those of you who are new here, those people on t.v. are not acceptable subject for study.) Talk to veteran dance moms.  Observe their rhinestoning skills, ,quick movements during costume changes, and check writing abilities.  Mimic these in your day-to-day life until you have them mastered.

Remember that Silence is Golden

The moment you tell someone you’re a dance mom, you’re going to be met with a barrage of stupid questions.  “Why do you spend so much money?” “What’s she going to do with that?” and my personal favorite… “Are you like the moms on that show?” Avoiding these questions may help keep your criminal record squeaky clean.

Acquire Weaponry

rhinestones

E6000

wine

ear plugs

coffee

Aspercream

Physical Training

Stage 1: Run up and down a flight of stairs while dressing and undressing a doll.

Stage 2:  Hide several of your child’s dance accessories. Then, deprive yourself of sleep for 36 hours. Chug a Redbull.  Now have a scavenger hunt.

Sate 3: Give a cat some catnip. Turn off the lights.  Now, try to put a dress and eyelashes on the cat.

Following these simple guidelines will have you acting as a champion dance mom in no time!

Dance Mom Survival Pack - A Helpful Guide

Sure, we all know the stuff you need to pack for a competition or a performance.

• Hairspray
• Water Bottles
• Bobby Pins
• Glitter Spray

But this is not that kind of list. We shouldn't neglect ourselves, parents. We know that we can take better care of our children if we are taken care of ourselves, right?

So, without further delay: Here's the Dance Moms (and Dads) Survival Pack:

• Rations. Any parent who has ever sat through 12 hours of competition with nothing but the venue's stale pretzels knows that there comes a point in the day where you feel like you may never get out. Keep these handy in case they are running an hour (or two) behind schedule. 

• Coffee Mug - A really really big one. Because snack bar coffee sucks. 

Will 52 ounces be enough?

• If coffee isn't your thing, or if it will only work for a certain number of hours, you might want to have a back up plan:  Wine Bra for the moms, Beer Belly for the dads.  I don't want to get all gender stereotyping on you, though, so feel free to interchange them.  Just don't send me pictures. 

                               

• The REALLY? Stamp.  For use on other parents, judges, or program books that think they're funny by listing the times in them. 

• Sucks Button -  Use sparingly, these ARE children. But the urge WILL come when you've just watched your fourteenth novice tap solo. 

• Homemade "Chapstick" Bet you won't find THIS formula on Pinterest. 

Shea Butter 

Lip Balm Tubes

Krazy Glue

Of course, you can find some other handy items over there on the widget on the side (unless you're on your phone and then you'll just have to trust me.) So, get packing! It won't be long before we'll all be needing this stuff.



 Disclaimer #1 - no, I don't actually suggest that you glue someone's mouth shut. Please don't sue me.

Disclaimer #2 - every one of those pictures links back to Amazon. Feel free to click on them. Then go buy something you really need from Amazon. ;-)


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