How to Apply False Eyelashes

This is a skill that takes practice.  You don’t want to be doing this on your own, for the first time, right before a performance.  These steps will help you learn to be a skilled eyelash technician.

1. Stretch – Just as dancers have to stretch, it’s recommended that you are nice and limber before taking on this task.
2. Warm up.  A quick jog around the block should help you build up your cardio strength for this physical undertaking.
3. Prepare your supplies: Several pair of eyelashes, eyelash glue, catnip, bandages, water bottles, protein bars, a cat.
4. Open the catnip.
5. Feed catnip to cat.
6. Turn off the lights.
7. Spin in circles 10 times.  (You can reduce your spinning to 5 circles if your dancer is over the age of 8).
8. Find the cat.
9. Place eyelashes on the cat.
10. Hydrate. (Both yourself and the cat).
11. Bandage your wounds.
12. Instagram your cat.
13. Eat a high protein snack.
14. Now you’re ready to practice on your child.
15. Open a new pack of eyelashes.  Now, throw them away.
16. Open another pack of eyelashes.
17. Open the lid on your glue.  Rub it all over your hands.
18. Carefully place glue on the edge of the lash.  Don’t get too much, or it will ooze. Don’t use too little or they won’t stick.
19. Wait the magic number of seconds until the glue is tacky.  This number can be calculated by taking the relative humidity and dividing it by 3, then add the weight of an apple and divide by purple.  This number is ever-evolving.
20. Ask your child to shut her eyes.  Carefully place the lash just above her natural lashes.  Don’t put it too far down or you’ll glue her eyes shut.  It’s really hard to dance that way.  Not impossible, but hard.  Don’t put it too high or she’ll have what we call “Shark Lashes”  - two rows of eyelashes.
21. Instruct your child not to move until the glue is dry.  Refer to the above formula for the appropriate amount of time.
22. Ask your child to open her eyes.  Remove the lash and repeat the previous four steps.
23. Once both eyelashes are successfully and appropriately applied, instruct your child that she is not to sneeze, blink, cry, or yawn for the next 12-14 hours.