Featured Friday 8/30/13

I need to post a few guidelines - after this week, I can take two submissions from each person - you can always put them into a collage if you want to use more! I just want to make sure there's room for everyone.

Also, and this is a big one. I cannot use photos with a water mark or copyright stamp on them. We could both get in big, big trouble.

That said, take a look a this week's fabulous dancers!

@always_dancin97

@always_dancin97

@always_dancin97

@always_dancin97

@amstampfl

@stacydaviswhite

All photos are submitted by their owners and the property of such.

Stuff Dance Moms Say - Stuff Dance Dads Say

Moms

• Please don't take your eyelashes off at the table.
• All of your clubs have to meet at lunch or before school. You have dance.
• Don't throw things at your sister! She has to dance next week
• That costume needs more rhinestones
• Oooh...you should dance to this song
• Are you stretched? (repeat 10x)
• You painted your nails!!!! Take that off!
• Sure I can stone that.
• More hairspray!
• If you change quickly we can get a quick lunch between solos & awards.
• Let me spray more glitter on you. I see a bare spot.
• Don't you think that (costume) should be a two piece?
• You can't. You have dance.
• Sure, I'll drive three hours so she can perform one 3 minute dance.
• You can always buy new underwear. Don't forget the costumes.

Dads

• I don't even want to see the bill. Just pay it & keep quiet.
• This prop isn't TOO heavy.
• We have to take her WHERE for nationals?
• Where is the rest of that costume?
• I can retire a few years later, let her do another solo.
• Sure, honey, I'll build you a prop. And rent a U-Haul to get it to competitions.
• I spent all day at work with glitter on my face. No one told me.
• What should I fix myself for dinner tonight?
• So, I took my boss to lunch today and I'm sure he wondered why there were rhinestones in the seat of my car.

Feel free to add your own in the comments!

Tips for Dance Team Parents

Making the leap from dance class parent to competition can be a bit overwhelming.  You go from having to worry about recital to having many extra performances,   costs, and possibly even hours of your time.  The studio may give you hand outs about the price, possibly some hotel choices, but if you want the truth about what you need to know, keep reading.

• Never, EVER, add up how much it all costs.
• If your dancer is a boy...please don't pull him out of dance in middle school
• Once you let your kid do a solo, she'll be doing them until the end. Be prepared.
• ‏Dancers love drama. Dance teachers prefer that you keep it out of their studio.
• Remember that you're paying the teachers to choreograph and teach. Keep your mouth shut.
• You will have to put makeup and eyelashes on your 5 year old. There is actually a reason for this. Learn to love it.
• You'll forget something, a strap will break, you'll lose a shoe. The world will not end.
• Recital will be for grandparents from here on out
• Ballet. Even if your kid would rather do jazz or hip hop. She NEEDS ballet. Get her all the training you can.
• Just plan on writing a check every time you go to the studio. There's always something.
• The older your child gets, the more the costumes will cost, and the less material there will be...
• Sometimes your kid will dance with kids that suck. Sometimes, they'll be way better than your kid. Deal with it.
• Your family vacations will be wherever the studio owners decide to go to nationals.
• Don't take it too seriously. Leave that to the dancers.
• You will have to be a little crazy to survive
• Tuition, costumes, entry fees, pictures, videos, hotels, travel, warm ups, shoes, make up, jewelry, t-shirts.
• Plan on pitching in. Can you do hair? Make up? I've got the snarky comments covered. We're good there.
• Learn now that it's a team. If you want your child in a "solo" sport, there's a gym down the street
• Bring your kid to practice. 5 minutes late is better than not showing up at all.
• Be prepared to spend some money. A lot of money.
• You need to get in your head right now, that your kid is 5 and she isn't going to dance like the seniors
• Just buy a Dream Duffel now.

If Dance Moms Was Real

If you have a child in dance, especially if you have a child in competitive dance, you have probably been asked, "Is it really like it is on that t.v. show?"   I've gotten to the point that I like to tell people yes, just to see the looks on their faces.  But we, dance parents and dancers, know that it's not. It's not anything close.

The thing is, those of us who live in that world catch things that the average, never-been-to-a-competition person would never catch. But we catch it all.

One night, I took the hashtag #ifdancemomswasreal (actually it started as #ifdancemomswerereal) and had a conversation about it. If it's not my tweet, I've credited you below.

In no particular order:

If Dance Moms was real:

• We'd have no issue with traveling to take one group number and two solos
• Our studio would get to sit at the front for every awards ceremony
• Competitions would only have about 70 numbers entered
• We'd only take one junior group to the competitions. No one else would go.
• People would pay for my signature
• All dancers would compete.
• Students would be judged with "pyramids" - ‏@JennyTullis_X
• My dancers would arrive for practice in full stage make up.
• I'd arrive at competitions in a limo or on a chartered bus.
• We'd travel across the country for a regional comp. Every weekend.
• My kids would have recording and modeling contracts.
• You would only ever have one teacher/choreographer. ‏@t_marie_16
• Competition fees wouldn't be an issue. Ever.
• Kids could just drop in week to week and compete with your team.
• I would be learning new choreography and getting new costumes every week! 
• My mom would sit and watch me dance every day instead of dropping me off with dinner. @typdanceprobs
• All of the parents would be expert costume designers. ‏@t_marie_16
• We would all have private dressing rooms with no people stealing space and enough room to run dances. ‏@Morgan_Leslie16
• All of my numbers would go on one day and I wouldn't have to worry about quick changes ‏@typdanceprobs
• We could just edit out the parts of our day that we don't like.
• We could read the script ahead of time to see how we'd place.
• We'd have to "qualify" for nationals like it was some big deal.

This is not to say that many of us don't have a Melissa in our studio--or a Jill--or Heaven help you, a Kristi - but, well... you get the point.

Featured Friday - 8/23/13

Welcome to the first Featured Friday on the Dance Parent Problems blog! Thank you so much for the submissions!

@CourtyHicks 

@mfdusadancemom 

@Morgan_Leslie16 

@ShellBell73  @tlcdancers 

@my3lildancers 

@my3lildancers 

@my3lildancers 

@my3lildancers 

All photos are property of the owner. I do not make any claims to them or their copyrights.

Dance Mom Mafia

I made a joke today that I belonged to the Dance Mom Mafia. The lady laughed nervously. I think I scared her. I mean, I was dressed all in black and had two henchmen beside me, but... ok. No, I didn't. But still, I got to thinking, that's what we need. A Dance Mom Mafia. You know, someone to enforce the rules and protect the little people, take care of the rats, protect our interests in the rhinestone trade... and since the Godfather is one of my favorite movies ever, well...

I present to you (thanks to my awesome friend who also has to remain nameless to protect our identities from those who wish to destroy us ;-) )

P.S. Fredo, I know it was you. . 

10 Rules for New Dance Parents

Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.

1. New to the studio? This is a new place. New rules, new kids, new teachers. Stop comparing. It's annoying.

2. New to the competitive team?  The "best" at her old studio doesn't mean jack here...maybe her old studio sucked. Maybe not. But hush.

3. Don't complain that your kid doesn't know the dance at performances if she's not in class to learn it.

4. Christmas show and recital. Just plan for it now and don't bitch when they get here.

5.Yes, you'll need to buy the same shoes and costumes that everyone else in the class has.

6. Class parents: Do not ask me how much team costs. You don't want to know and I don't like to think about it.

7. Parents of small children: When your little ones watch the big ones perform, they are going to want to dance like  that. Cancel all plans for the next 10 years.

8. Going into the studio during class isn't as helpful as you think it is. Sit down.

9. Let the teachers do their job. If you feel you are qualified to teach dance, open your own studio or apply for a job.

10. Be nice. I have a really good memory.

Dance Mom Survival Course

Life as a dance mom (or dad) can get really crazy. Most of us jump into it with no clue what we are getting ourselves into. I think life would be easier on all of us if we were able to take a course to become Certified Dance Parents (not to be confused with Certifiable. That's a given.)  I have compiled the following as chapters for the course:

Lesson 1: Bringing your child to class on a regular basis. Textbook required: Calendar.

Lesson 2: Science: Learn the many uses for glitter and hairspray. Extra Credit: How to get E6000 off of your fingers.

Lesson 3: Knowing When to share: The cashier at WalMart doesn't care about your special princess's dance schedule.

Lesson 4: Managing the Shoe Odor Problem. (extra materials needed: gas mask, febreeze)

Lesson 5: Financial Planning - subchapter - don't plan on having any money.

Lesson 6: Appropriate Times to Converse with Teachers

Lesson 7: Costuming: Learn to live with it. This course is required for all dads.

Lesson 8: Gold, High Gold, Platinum, Double Super Plutonium...deciphering awards. This will be a round-table discussion as there is no logical explanation for any of this.

Lesson 9: Survival for Competition Parents. This will be an intensive weekend-long course where you are deprived of sleep and only given small rations of overpriced stale pretzels and whatever soda beverage you do not prefer.


Upon completion of the class, you'll be awarded a trophy that will break on your way home. For those excelling in the course, you'll be invited to a super special "invitation only" workshop that you'll need to pay $1000 to attend.

Welcome to the Dance Parent Problems Blog

Hi there! Welcome! If you're just joining us here, you're probably familiar with the Twitter page: https://twitter.com/DanceParentProb  We have lots of fun over there telling our stories of tuition bills, pointe shoes, crazy parents, making fun of that tv show, competition mishaps, and the list goes on and on. The problem is that sometimes, you just can't get the whole story in 120 characters.

Despite the name, this space is for everyone: parents (moms and dads!), dancers, teachers, companies - share your stories: Tell me about the time that you had to come up with your own costumes at the last minute. Let us know about that one parent who is convinced that her 3 year old has a Joffrey scholarship in her future. Tell us about the time your shoe went flying into the judge's lap while you were on stage.

I have plenty of stories to tell, but for now,  I want to hear yours. You can send them to me at danceparentproblems@gmail.com or fill out the contact form below. I promise, no names will ever be published (unless you ask me to).

A few guidelines:
I will not publish anything that reveals another dancer or family's name. I will not publish your studio name. If you want your name on the story, that's fine. But, we are not here to hurt anyone's feelings.
I will not publish a video or picture of another dancer - we've all seen that dancer. Kind of a mess, but bless her heart she's trying. I won't be putting up a video for you to make fun of her.

Once in while (timeline will depend on how busy this blog gets and may change), I'll have a Featured Friday where you can submit a really cool picture or video (must be your picture/video) so you can show off your skills to the readers!

I think this is going to be really fun! Start sharing and we'll get going soon!