Thursday, March 20, 2014

Why Dance Moms Will Come Out on Top During the Zombie Apocoplypse

We all know it's coming. The Internet says so and we know that everything you read on the Internet is true. That commercial said so.  And anything on t.v. is... anyway.  The CDC even has their own zombie attack survival guide and checklist.   So, it must be true, right?

Well, regardless, my fellow dance moms and I really don't have anything to worry about. We'll come out on top.  Being a dance mom has us prepared for whatever is to come:

  • Dance moms can pack rations to sustain a team of hungry dancers for days inside a 12 inch duffel bag.
  • Dance moms know that E6000 can be used for more than just rhinestones.
  • A skilled dance mom could probably kill a person with a bobby pin.
  • Dance moms have an endless supply of shoes.  No worries about walking through broken glass.
  • Dance moms are extremely adept at handling stressful situations.
  • Dance moms know how to deal with and/or avoid hysterical people.
  • They know how to defend their territory. Have you ever tried to sit down in front of a mom whose child is performing on stage? She’ll cut you. She’ll cut you hard.
  • A dance mom can survive for days on granola bars and tepid water.
  • It's a known fact* that zombies are distracted by glitter.  Dance moms always have glitter.
  • Dance moms (and moms in general) can survive on very little sleep.
  • A dance mom can convert a  Dream Duffel  into a makeshift shelter.  Have you seen the size of the large one? You could fit a small band of fighters in it. Besides, that garment rack could make a super weapon!
*facts totally made up by me and called facts


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