Dance Recital Tips - The Way They Should Be Written

#1 Your child is a preshush snowflake. We know this.  So is the person's child beside yours. Remember that. Everyone wants to to see their child perform. As a result, please refrain from the following behaviors:

• Stressing yourself out as if recital is an audition for the Joffrey Ballet.  It's not. And even if it was, it's the child's audition. Not yours.
• Yelling at your child and then yelling at them for crying because their eyes will be red on stage.
• Standing in front of people during the performance, thereby obstructing the view of someone else's preshush little snowflake.
• Talking during the performance. Just because you aren't interested, doesn't mean the person beside you isn't.
• Criticizing another child.  You don't know if their parents are sitting next to you.

#2 Respect the dance teachers and staff.  

• They will be busy. Do not take this time to ask if Little Suzy did a good job or if there will be dance class next Thursday.
• Do not ask the photographer (if there is one)  to take special pictures for you. He/She is also very busy.  There is a picture day for these kinds of requests.

• If you want to watch the dances, have a seat. Standing at the side of the stage is rude. It distracts from the dance, especially if your child is very young.  Buy a ticket and sit down. Many parents have to run back and forth between costume changes. It's part of the experience. Embrace it. 

#3 This relates to the first item. The recital is more than your child's class. There will be many, many numbers performing as there are many children involved. 

• Your child's dances will not be the first few numbers so that you can "get out of there."
• Allowing your child to watch the older kids will fill them with wonder and develop a deeper love for the art.  (Trust me on this.)
• If you must leave, do so quietly, without making a scene.
• Yes, it may take 2-2.5 hours for the recital to be finished. Enjoy it. These children have worked hard for many months to put on a good show for you.

#4 Things that I shouldn't have to say, but...

• Please refrain from using profanity in front of the children. It may be ok for you, but it may not for the kid standing next to you.
• Turn off your phone. No one cares that you're so important that you have to take a call in the middle of a performance.  It's rude.  And if you must take a call, go outside.
• Applaud for everyone.
• Thank the teachers for teaching your children.

Of course, they can't really put this stuff into a parent note.  But it would make things easier on everyone if they could. ;-)

Hey, Competitions, We Have Something to Say!

The other day, I read an article from Dance Studio Life magazine.  It's a few years old, but I still thought it was an insightful read.   It got me thinking though, about all of the things I'd like to tell THEM, the competition directors.  I am, after all, the customer.  Sure, the studio owner chooses the competitions, the kids perform, but I am the one paying for the service.  They should know what I think too, right?  Of course, I wanted to make sure I hadn't left anything out and I wanted to include everyone - so I asked the Twitter-verse what they thought: teachers, parents, dancers. 

We were all mostly on the same page.  But here's what we generally want to be able to let the competitions we attend know:

Pricing: Please stop sheltering the studios.  Many studios add an upcharge to their fees and as long as the parents were told ahead of time, that's ok. But, as mentioned above, we are the ones paying the fees and we feel like we have the right to know what they actually are.  

Schedules: When you sell out months in advance or your cut off for submissions is 30-60 days before the competition date, why on earth can you not give us a schedule sooner than 6-7 days prior?  This is especially inconvenient for those of us that travel to competitions, have to take time off of work for Friday (or earlier) starts, etc.  Especially frustrating is when you won't put a nationals schedule out until a week prior.  We understand that there's way more that goes into creating a schedule than we realize, but a skeleton would go a long way to keep us happy.

Rules: The only rule I see being routinely enforced is no photos/videos.  While I understand the safety of the dancers, protecting choreography angle, I really feel like that one is enforced because you lose money if people don't buy YOUR videos and pictures.  The rules I want to see enforced are those related to the appropriateness of the routine - no 7 year olds dressed like and dancing to a song about prostitutes.  Other rules are more specifically addressed in other points.

Awards: The overwhelming consensus (and you all talked about this a lot in the article)  is that they are out of hand.  A gold is the best award at one competition and the worst at the next.  Then another has a triple platinum.  Another has a titanium award.  And it's been a LONG time since I've seen a silver given out.  Can't we just agree on one awards system?

Levels:  If a dancer can execute a perfect triple into a tilt drop, they're not novice. You know it. They know it. Their teacher knows it.  Stop rewarding them with the diamond ruby sparkle award and a 1st place.  Move them into the appropriate competitive category, like your rules say you'll do.  The same applies to an intermediate dancer who is in 15 numbers.  If they can rehearse 15 numbers in 6 hours or less, I have a bridge to sell you.

Overbooking: Please stop starting regional competitions on a Wednesday or Thursday.  School should come first.  Book a 2nd weekend if you have to.  Or open a second room.  But if you do that, please make sure that the 2nd stage is as of the same quality and safety as the main one.  I'm not calling anyone out, but one I attended last year with two rooms was a nightmare.

Social Media: DO IT.  Answer questions.  Respond to complaints. Retweet nice things we say about you.  And post.  Don't just throw up a Facebook page and let it gather cobwebs.

Information: We've not returned to competitions more than once because of lack of information or misinformation. Make sure that whomever is speaking for your company knows what they are talking about.  And most importantly, return the studios' phone calls and emails.  Even the small studios.  Again, not naming names...  On the reverse, one of our favorite places to go is one where the director is open and communicative with our studio owners.

Judging: Don't ignore the smaller studios.  Please make the critiques useful.  We know the costume is pretty.  Work a lunch break into the schedule if you have to.  But it would be great to get critiques that don't feature the judge chewing into the microphone. And hold your judges accountable for giving everyone a critique.  One year, I sat and watched a judge enter a score after about 15 seconds for every single novice and intermediate number.  He only watched the advanced numbers.  All. Day. Long.  


Of course, we don't know if any of them will read this post.  So, the best thing you can do is offer your feedback on Dance Competition Hub.  Competition owners and vendors are taking notice and reading our feedback, so keep posting it!

Confessions of a Dance Mom

If you follow me on Twitter (and if you don't, what are you waiting for?) you'll know that I make fun of...well, everyone. A lot. I make fun of the crazy mom who is obsessed with her child's "career", the parent who never, ever has any idea what's going on. Ever. I mock the parent who insists on interrupting class at least once a week to fix her child's skirt. I make fun of dancers and choreographers and judges and parents and costume designers...everyone is fair game. I mean, the account IS anonymous - and I believe the appeal is that these people are in EVERY studio. Everyone has a parent who mentions their child's name so many times a day that you start to keep tally marks and place bets with the other parents on how many times she'll say it.  Every studio has a parent who thinks their child is going to be a superstar. There's always a super competitive parent that you're worried may turn into the Texas Cheerleader Mom. And all of these people are also in all of us. So, without further ado: Dance Mom Confessions from me, Dance Parent Problems.

• I've thrown shoes.
• I've threatened to glue my child's eyes shut with eyelash glue.
• I've taken cell phone pictures of costumes in the hallways to get ideas for later.
• I've brought food AND drink into the auditorium. 
• I showed up for my child's very first competition without bobby pins. 
• I've been known to sleep between our studio's numbers while at competitions.
• I pack for the first competition at least two weeks early. (I've come a long way since the "no bobby pins" incident.)
• I've yelled at someone else's child. More than once. (Watch your damned kids. This isn't a daycare.) 
• I've saved seats.
• I drive my child absolutely nuts before she does her solo. "Did you stretch? Are you sure you're stretched? Why aren't you stretching?"

I'm sure there's more. LOTS more. We all do crazy things. That's part of being a dance mom (or dad.)  The important thing is that we learn to laugh about it and not take ourselves so seriously. All of this will be over long before any of us are ready and some day we'll be sitting around longing for the days of spending a week's paycheck on costumes. 

Dance Parents Have to Stick Together!

There are CRAZY dance moms out there! We have to stick together!  We're not the crazy ones, of course. It's the others. The others!!!!

You can identify the others by the following traits:

• They move your stuff in the dressing room! 
• They stand in front of you when your child is on stage! 
• They give you dirty looks!
• They save entire rows of seats for hours and no one ever shows up!
• They're usually wearing a jacket or t-shirt that says "Special Princess' Mom" (don't worry if YOU wear this...YOU aren't crazy. It's THEM!!!) 
• They run their dancer's solo at least once more even after the teacher has done it.
• They've been known to scream at teachers, other parents, and even strangers! 

Unfortunately, there isn't a darned thing we can do about these people. Your only options are to assimilate (Please only choose this option as a last resort! Think of the puppies!), develop a sense of humor about them, or to pull your child out of dance and let them start a career in competitive Backgammon.

We can stick together in other ways though. One of the things I've discovered through Twitter is a site called Dance Competition Hub  This is a competition and convention rating site. (They have a fantastic vendor rating section as well!) And it has a very thorough list of competitions, conventions, and vendors. Teachers, parents, studio owners, and dancers are all invited to review the competitions with which they have experience.  They've only been operating since April 2013 (according to the news section on the site) and I have heard myself that the competition directors have taken notice. I highly recommend that you take the time to check them out - because one way that we can stick together as crazy (some of us more than others) dance parents (and dancers - hi!!) is to keep the people we give our hard earned money to honest and fun for the kids.

P.S. They're on Facebook too! Go show some love! Dance Competition Hub 

A Year in the Life of a Competition Dance Mom

September -

So excited to start a new season.  Oh, sure, you can do two solos, two duets, and three extra numbers on top of the required ones. It won’t add too much to the tuition bill.

October -

I’m sooo bored. I want to go to a convention or a competition. Is it March yet?

November - 

For the love of God ...is it March yet?

December -

Does all last minute Christmas shopping on allaboutdance.com

January - 

Wait, how many numbers did I let you do? I forgot about the competition fees. *checks black market for going price for kidneys*

February -

Costumes are in!!! wait, how many costumes did I order? That’s a downpayment on a car!

March - 

Packs for the first competition and books hotel two weeks in advance - decorates car, lays out which studio shirts to wear each day of the event

April -

Takes duffel from March competition out of car to repack for April competition

May -

Packs 15 minutes before we leave, books hotel on way to competition, may or may not have packed a studio shirt. It may still be in the luggage from April. 

Recital - stays in the dressing room, hovering in fear of the crazy rec/class moms

June - 

Time for nationals. Kind of relieved that your dance studio owner doubles as your travel agent because at this point in the year, there’s no way you could coordinate a family vacation without falling apart.

July  - 

ahhh... time off. 

Except the workshops.

And Summer Intensives.

And parades.  

Late July - unpacks from nationals

August -

Choreography. registration. new year’s t-shirts. Oh, she outgrew her warm ups. Time for more of those. 

Is it March yet?

Follow me on Twitter! @danceparentprob

Competition Pet Peeves

1. And the title winner is...

wait, they didn’t place 1st? Oh, that’s a separate competition? And it’s an extra $75? For??? I can buy a tiara at the Dollar Tree.

2. cheering for backstage help when they sweep the stage...no one cheers for me when I sweep at home... (this one compliments of @tbhdanceteacher)

3. Props. Big or small...that never get used. I’m sure it was worth the u-haul rental for that prop that you NEVER TOUCH

4. Parents who constantly ask me what number they are on or who’s next or which one of our studio’s numbers is up next. Buy your own program, bitch.

5. Parents who should out their kids names while they are dancing. It may just be me, but I”d be all “what?” and then forget what I was doing. Seems to me it would be distracting.

6. Parents who will cheer for EVERY dancer...except one. Because being a dance parent means you regress to middle school.

7. Dancers who run around half naked when they are not on stage. A costume is just that. A costume. For performance. When you’re done, but your overpriced warm up on.

8. Acro in any dance that isn’t acro. (And I love acro, but quit putting flips into your lyrical dance. It looks stupid.)

9. Taking 15 seconds to evacuate the stage. If you’re done, move along. I’m ready for a Starbucks break and you’re holding things up.

10. Minis with inappropriate movements and costumes.

11. Seniors with inappropriate movements and costumes.

12. Productions that seem to last for 45 minutes.

13. Productions with more than 30 dancers. I don’t know how the judges can even see everyone.

14. Unorganized competitions that run everything out of order and late.

15. Competitions that have levels and rules for those levels, but do nothing about it when the cheating or “leveling down” is blatant and obvious.

16. When dancers (and parents) don’t clap for other teams or for EVERY dancer on the studio team.

17. When solos are first and the kid who didn’t “win” spends the rest of the week grumpy and unfocused.

18. Competitions that start at 7:30 am and don’t end until midnight. And then  you have to be back at 7:30 the next day.

19. When the emcee can’t pronounce the name of a studio, even after being corrected.

20. When the only concessions are stale pretzels and warm bottles of soda.

Sure, I could go on and on and if it was competition season, this list would probably be about 50 long. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

P.S. Do you follow me on Twitter? Why not? @danceparentprob

Tips for Dance Team Parents

Making the leap from dance class parent to competition can be a bit overwhelming.  You go from having to worry about recital to having many extra performances,   costs, and possibly even hours of your time.  The studio may give you hand outs about the price, possibly some hotel choices, but if you want the truth about what you need to know, keep reading.

• Never, EVER, add up how much it all costs.
• If your dancer is a boy...please don't pull him out of dance in middle school
• Once you let your kid do a solo, she'll be doing them until the end. Be prepared.
• ‏Dancers love drama. Dance teachers prefer that you keep it out of their studio.
• Remember that you're paying the teachers to choreograph and teach. Keep your mouth shut.
• You will have to put makeup and eyelashes on your 5 year old. There is actually a reason for this. Learn to love it.
• You'll forget something, a strap will break, you'll lose a shoe. The world will not end.
• Recital will be for grandparents from here on out
• Ballet. Even if your kid would rather do jazz or hip hop. She NEEDS ballet. Get her all the training you can.
• Just plan on writing a check every time you go to the studio. There's always something.
• The older your child gets, the more the costumes will cost, and the less material there will be...
• Sometimes your kid will dance with kids that suck. Sometimes, they'll be way better than your kid. Deal with it.
• Your family vacations will be wherever the studio owners decide to go to nationals.
• Don't take it too seriously. Leave that to the dancers.
• You will have to be a little crazy to survive
• Tuition, costumes, entry fees, pictures, videos, hotels, travel, warm ups, shoes, make up, jewelry, t-shirts.
• Plan on pitching in. Can you do hair? Make up? I've got the snarky comments covered. We're good there.
• Learn now that it's a team. If you want your child in a "solo" sport, there's a gym down the street
• Bring your kid to practice. 5 minutes late is better than not showing up at all.
• Be prepared to spend some money. A lot of money.
• You need to get in your head right now, that your kid is 5 and she isn't going to dance like the seniors
• Just buy a Dream Duffel now.

10 Rules for New Dance Parents

Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.

1. New to the studio? This is a new place. New rules, new kids, new teachers. Stop comparing. It's annoying.

2. New to the competitive team?  The "best" at her old studio doesn't mean jack here...maybe her old studio sucked. Maybe not. But hush.

3. Don't complain that your kid doesn't know the dance at performances if she's not in class to learn it.

4. Christmas show and recital. Just plan for it now and don't bitch when they get here.

5.Yes, you'll need to buy the same shoes and costumes that everyone else in the class has.

6. Class parents: Do not ask me how much team costs. You don't want to know and I don't like to think about it.

7. Parents of small children: When your little ones watch the big ones perform, they are going to want to dance like  that. Cancel all plans for the next 10 years.

8. Going into the studio during class isn't as helpful as you think it is. Sit down.

9. Let the teachers do their job. If you feel you are qualified to teach dance, open your own studio or apply for a job.

10. Be nice. I have a really good memory.