Thursday, March 27, 2014

How to Train to be Dance Mom


Becoming a dance mom is no simple feat. Most people don't understand all of the preparation and training that goes into it. I've outlined a few simple pointers for you, should you be considering a career as dance mom.

Set Your Boundaries
Sit down and carefully plan out how much money you’re willing to spend, how far you’re willing to travel, and what your guidelines are for two piece costumes.  Then tear up that piece of paper and burn it because it’s worthless anyway.


Learn the Dance Mom  Way
Study dance moms who have come before you. (For those of you who are new here, those people on t.v. are not acceptable subject for study.) Talk to veteran dance moms.  Observe their rhinestoning skills, ,quick movements during costume changes, and check writing abilities.  Mimic these in your day-to-day life until you have them mastered.


Remember that Silence is Golden
The moment you tell someone you’re a dance mom, you’re going to be met with a barrage of stupid questions.  “Why do you spend so much money?” “What’s she going to do with that?” and my personal favorite… “Are you like the moms on that show?” Avoiding these questions may help keep your criminal record squeaky clean.


Acquire Weaponry


Physical Training
Stage 1: Run up and down a flight of stairs while dressing and undressing a doll.
Stage 2:  Hide several of your child’s dance accessories. Then, deprive yourself of sleep for 36 hours. Chug a Redbull.  Now have a scavenger hunt.
Sate 3: Give a cat some catnip. Turn off the lights.  Now, try to put a dress and eyelashes on the cat.




Following these simple guidelines will have you acting as a champion dance mom in no time!

3 comments:

bonniebrowniz on February 17, 2015 at 9:01 AM said...

Can you make that Stage 3?

Lauri on April 8, 2016 at 9:29 AM said...

BWAHHAHAHA! Truth.

charla debram on April 11, 2017 at 6:19 PM said...

You nailed it!! But left out kiss all social life besides with dance moms good by for 4 hours+ 6 days a week at dance rehearsal...

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