Sunday, September 8, 2013

Q & A Flyer - for the Dance Clueless


You know them. The people who ask you the "well-meaning" questions about dance. Or, better yet, the ones who are just plain trying to be assholes. It seems like they just ask the same things over and over again. Well, here's the answer: A simple flyer for you to hand out to nosey-Nellies. Maybe they'll get a nasty paper cut.

For your convenience, I've supplied two answers to each question. A1 - the answer I would give and A2  - the answer a person who doesn't have to be sarcastic with every interaction might say.

Q: How much do you pay for all of that dance? 
A1: Are you planning on contributing? No? Then it's none of your damned business.
A2: It's part of his/her arts education. I don't monetize it.

Q:  Why are you wasting time with dance? It's not like it's going to pay the bills.
A1: Oh, yes, because statistics show that every junior high football player has like a 90% chance of becoming a millionaire.
A2: Grace, poise, confidence, athleticism. Shall I go on?

Q: Where did she get all of those bruises?
A1: She likes to go to the laundromat with her friends and a roll of quarters and play in the dryers.
A2: Because dance is a sport. Football players and soccer players and softball players get bruises too.

Q: How can you let her wear all of that make up?
A1:  I"m training her to be a pole dancer. I'm spending all of my retirement money on her training. She'll need to support me when I"m old.
A2: It's stage make up. Her face would look like a white blob on stage without it. She doesn't wear it to K-mart.

Q: Why do you let her wear that costume?
A1: What's the alternative? Not wearing it?
A2: If she was in a play, she'd have a costume. She wouldn't wear it to the mall. Same rules apply.

Q: Why do you care so much about her dancing?
A1: Why do YOU care so much about her dancing?
A2: Because she does.

Be sure to print this handy little guide out and keep it in your wallet for quick reference at your next family function. And if Aunt Glenda still won't listen, send her to my Twitter. I'll straighten her out.



4 comments:

Michelle Gordon on September 8, 2013 at 8:00 PM said...

This is epic!!

gcbenezra on September 9, 2013 at 5:05 AM said...

Q: Why are you wasting time with dance? It's not like it's going to pay the bills.
A1: Oh, yes, because statistics show that every junior high football player has like a 90% chance of becoming a millionaire.
A2: Grace, poise, confidence, athleticism. Shall I go on?

This is EVERYTHING

Ilainen on October 3, 2013 at 10:54 AM said...

LOVE!

Amy Croel-Perrien on November 20, 2013 at 3:15 PM said...

Love this!

Q: Is it just like that show, Dance Moms?
A: Why yes, I also run around in a strapless dress and 4 inch stiletto heels at a competition!

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